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The penis didn’t break into her vagina. He didn’t rip her underwear and he didn’t push his fingers into her. So, technically, she wasn’t raped. Technically. But last Wednesday night when two men pushed a woman up against her car in a dark, cold parking lot I was raped and she was raped and we were all raped in this small college community.
The more these things happen, the more scared I become. For every additional time an assault happens outside my room, it’s an additional time I get up in the night and check … double check … triple check … the lock on my door. My paranoia grows exponentially.
Many women see the rape epidemic as a careful, well-planned attack on all women. They see it as a backlash against the successful and growing feminist movement. The men want their power back, they want the women scared and meek and staying home. This is the way to do it. It’s easy. Get one woman and the whole community gets scared.
I don’t think every horny guy who sees a woman as an object to use and discard is part of a global terrorist movement but the result of these men has become a global terror. And what scares most women is the fact that no one knows who these men are; no one knows who is a rapist or who is a guy who could rape if he had enough alcohol in him to use as an excuse. Why do feminists hate men? We don’t. We just don’t know who the bad guys are.
I have a whistle on my key chain. While at dinner with a male friend, a large part of the plastic whistle broke off, resulting in a whistle that does not whistle. My friend did not understand the importance of the whistle or why I was so upset that it broke. It is the only device I had to create loud noise and distraction should I come under attack. It made me feel safer as I walked home from my night classes, whistle in mouth, a soft, high-pitched weezing sound as I breathed in and out. I just don’t think men can understand the fear I feel in the shower or walking at night or alone in my bed with the catcalls of drunk men outside my window or almost anyplace I feel alone and exposed. They cannot understand it. But they can help.
Why are women doing all the work to prevent rape and to clean up the aftermath when it is men who rape? Why do the victims get the blame? Men need to recognize that men rape women. Yes, we all know that guys are raped too, but at a vastly smaller amount and it is mostly young boys, unfortunately. There are men who do not rape but they need to be just as aware. Just because I have never been raped does not mean I am exempt from this equation. This is an epidemic that affects all people and all people need to deal with it.
When a guy friend takes the time to walk me home so I am not walking in the dark across campus alone, they are helping (thanks, Ryan). When a guy can discuss rape with me seriously, without becoming defensive, that helps. When a guy speaks up within a circle of guys, that helps. You don’t have to be a rapist to prevent rape.
Beth Haney is a third-year journalism and women’s studies major.
