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If I wanted to see a flat-chested, scrawny body run around in saggy underwear, I’d hit up a junior high boys locker room.
But director Roger Kumble thought otherwise. Apparently, after Kumble’s successful direction of “Cruel Intentions” he felt the need to make a sequel titled “The Sweetest Thing.” Because believe me, Kumble has nothing but cruel intentions for his audience. It is nothing but torture to sit through this 84-minute flick. The only reason I sat through the entire movie was the notion that it must get better.
I was wrong.
Nancy Pimental, writer for the hit cartoon “South Park,” was the creator of this piece of trash storyline. Her attempt at a comedy slash romance was less than successful. Pimental tried to combine the grotesque yet funny jokes from “South Park” into a script supposedly empowering women sexually, yet trapping them in the generic search for Mr. Right. Humm, definitely a contradiction in terms.
The result was less than humorous or entertaining sexual commentary between the main character, Christina, played by Cameron Diaz, and her girlfriends played by Christina Applegate and Selma Blair. This story would have been better told with Diaz starring in cartoon form on “South Park” than in real life.
In fact, the only theme this movie successfully portrays is Diaz’s love for herself. Throughout the movie she is obsessed with her own image and solo dance routines. Diaz knows the “Sweetest Thing” in the movie is herself.
As for the comedy, while I did laugh, it was only because of how stupid the scenes and lines were. And I don’t mean “Dumb and Dumber” stupid where there is actually humor – I mean stupid as in truly obnoxious.
Hollywood Reporter and E!Online estimated that Diaz would be paid close to $15 million for acting in this flick, putting her up at the same level with Julia Roberts and Meg Ryan. If Diaz actually sucked that amount out of Columbia Pictures – good for her – bad for them, because there was definitely no acting done on her part.
Instead, Diaz was able to practice her favorite pastimes of prancing around in her panties and making crude attempts at dancing. However, if she truly wants to be up there with Roberts and Ryan, I suggest she invest that $15 million in acting classes.
By the way, does Diaz require all her contracts to state that she must appear in her underwear at least once in every movie she stars in, and that she must be able to gyrate her hips?
Let’s see, in “Something About Mary” she is seen in her window standing in her underwear, and dancing with the cast during the credits. In “Charlie’s Angels” she boogies around in little boyish cartoon undies on her bed and in a club. And now, appearing in “The Sweetest Thing” she spends two thirds of the movie dancing or in her underwear. What is her deal?
So if you have time to kill and money to waste, I suggest gambling rather than sitting through this flick. And if you are a die-hard Diaz fan, I’d really re-evaluate your ideas of entertainment.
