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Thursday, Feb. 9, 1:34 a.m.
Opinion

Your vice president

Protecting the useless

Message sent to my professors: I will not be showing up for class today, for safety reasons, but my roommate will be there, ensuring a continuity of our commitment to the education process.

On the recent anniversary of Sept. 11, the nation once again was put on alert for possible terrorist threats. The United States was placed in the “orange” category – the second highest on the response system since it was established. This was the first time such a high level of danger was reached. But it was not the first time Vice President Dick Cheney was whisked away to a “secure location.”

Just what is this “secure location” nonsense and why is President George W. Bush allowed to run around in full public view while his vice president goes into hiding? This was what my roommate really was concerning himself with recently, not explaining to his teachers why I wasn’t in his classes. He’d see some bit of anniversary-related programming and let it be known how bemused he was about Cheney hiding away. I didn’t know what to say at the time, but I did think it over.

Here’s what I came to. Cheney went to a secure location last year as well. It is only natural that a president and vice president not be in the same place during a time of crisis or imminent danger. Indeed, it has been historically proven to be the case that they generally are not. Lyndon Johnson was not the man shot in conjunction with JFK’s slaying.

The chain of command dictates that if the the president dies, the vice president takes over. Some would say that this is pretty much the vice president’s greatest hope for actually doing something constructive, but this is not an endorsement for any of them to start intricate assassination plotting. This also has been a historic certainty. LBJ finds another reference here, as the famous photograph taken aboard Air Force One after JFK’s assassination can attest.

But what is this “secure location” business? If Bush is expected to make the rounds in the public, chances are that he’ll be at several different locations that day. On the anniversary of Sept. 11, Bush toured each of the sites defiled by airplane attacks a year earlier. The vice president was not at his side, and with good reason. Cheney couldn’t be expected to fly around in Air Force One with the president all this time. But placing Cheney in Air Force Two, trailing Air Force One the whole way, doesn’t make much logistical sense either.

Then there’s the option of placing Cheney in one location, such as the White House or the local pub. But isn’t keeping track of Bush’s travels and making sure Cheney is safe like throwing one stick for two dogs? It isn’t possible. One dog will be left out. So, you put Cheney somewhere that the stick will not be a problem for the other dog. A secret place. A secure place.

Where’s the logic in placing Vice President Cheney in a secure location each time there seems to be great national risk? In this world, everywhere! If the President should die, the chain of command is a long list, but do you really want to start exploring it? I didn’t think so.

Anthony Laplume is a senior English major.