I hate Christmas. I loathe the stores that entice wish list-wielding shoppers with sales on useless, overpriced video games and coffee table books. I want to vomit when I hear “Jingle Bells” played from October ad infinitum. I despise the transformation of children of all ages into insatiably greedy brats who lust for tons of plastic junk to be packaged neatly under a grotesquely decorated evergreen, so that they may ravenously destroy the pretty paper and reach the empty gratification that awaits them underneath.

Fortunately I, like all good Christians, have a solid understanding of the story of the first Christmas. Joe and Mary, wandering home after a holiday party for the carpenter’s union, had to stop because Mary was going into labor. Joe, having yet to consummate the marriage, was still furious at his wife for her infidelity. The kid popped out and was called Jesus, as Joe had aspirations for him to play Major League Baseball someday.

In the middle of the night, Santa Claus stopped by the manger where the Christ family was sleeping and left a sleigh-load of presents under a nearby tree that happened to be decked with popcorn, tinsel and colored lights. In the morning, Joe drank a glass of eggnog to take the edge off and woke Mary up. They opened the presents: a cordless drill for Joe, a sexy negligee and a blender for Mary, and the complete Fisher Price infant collection for young Jesus. The first Christmas was a success, and thus has been reenacted for more than 2000 years.

It isn’t hard to decipher from this scenario how the holiday may have become what it is today. Using a more traditional, conservative interpretation of the Bible, however, one begins to wonder how one of the holiest of Christian holidays has become submerged in a swamp of mindless consumerism and hollow convention. What was originally intended as a re-creation of the bestowement of gifts upon the newborn Christ has mutated into a field of shopping cart-wielding parents throwing elbows and pushing down the doors of toy stores to secure the season’s hottest talking muppet for their rotten children.

I don’t really hate Christmas. I just hate what it means to so many people who feel the need to make sure they have the best gifts in the neighborhood under the tree for their children. Why not strive to commemorate something more meaningful, something that brings real happiness? Forgo the last-minute gifts and chintzy decorations that bring endless headaches. Simplify your life, not to mention your December budget.

I do not observe Christmas in the traditional religious sense. Nor do I succumb to the unceasing summons of the retail industry. I celebrate the holiday season as a time to be with friends and family, to enjoy the solace of a snowy day in the country and to give thanks for health and happiness. Anyone who truly wishes to give the perfect gifts to his or her loved ones should understand that peace on earth isn’t found in Wal-Mart.

Brad Prescott is a senior English and economics major.

Let us lay aside the arguments that our tuition and public tax dollars go to subsidize this exclusive private club, but wait, there’s more. The club pays no rent to the university and has displaced the music listening room — a room intended for use by the entire university community.

Let us instead get to the heart of the matter. The university, by supporting this University Club, is telling its students they are second class citizens.

Are students not good enough to share their company with faculty, staff and alumni? Are students so course in manner and taste that they cannot be expected to appreciate the finer things in life? Are faculty, administrators and alumni so much better or different than the students that they must have a separate dining facility?

Certainly there are some appropriate needs for having segregated facilities, such as separate locker rooms for men and women or allowing some discussions to happen behind closed doors to protect the privacy of the individual being discussed. But the segregation imposed upon the students by the University Club is needless and condescending to the students it discriminates against.

This is hypocrisy on the part of the university. Here at UMaine the curriculum requires that we take some ethics classes as part of our general education requirement. In these courses we have learned about the evils of apartheid and exclusionary practices based on class and status in society. Yet here we have the university actively supporting the very same kind of class discrimination.

The university, by its nature and intent, ought to be student centered. The faculty and administration are here for no other purpose than to teach students. Faculty and administrators who set themselves apart from the students are sending the wrong message. They are informing the students that they think that they are better than them and thus deserve better — an insult at the student’s and taxpayer’s expense.

What is gained by treating students as second class citizens? Do we learn some important lesson? Do we learn our lessons better? Do our teachers become better teachers? There can be no affirmative answers to these questions. What is learned is that it’s OK to deny a group its dignity and that it is OK to think that some people’s rights are superior to others for no other reason than that they are of the right caste.

There is no place for this type classism in an institution of higher learning. Faculty and administrators who are members of this exclusive club ought to be ashamed of the message they are sending to their students. The practice of classism in the form of the University Club must end if the club is to live up to its name. If this form of exclusionary elitism is tolerated, the next thing we shall see is that certain water fountains being reserved for faculty and others for students.

Fred Nehring is a senior spatial information science and engineering major.

The Dec. 9, edition of The Maine Campus included a review of the UMaine Jazz Ensemble and Combo by Schuyler Dean, and I am a member of both the ensemble and combo. Dean’s comments parallel a food critic tasting fine French cuisine and responding, “Needs ketchup.”

You could forgive some of the little mistakes he made reporting the event, such as the number of tunes the combo played and who was playing which instrument. These were, however, clearly announced and listed in the program. Perhaps he couldn’t see over his turned-up nose and had nothing else to rely on.

Dean compared our playing with some jazz greats. If we played like them, they wouldn’t be great, but instead typical. With this in mind, he overlooked aspects of some of the strongest players in the groups, including the melodic genius of trombonist John Maclaine, the creative and spontaneous reactions of drummer Spencer Nelson and the heart-felt solos by tenor saxophonist Tim Hart. Hart has more than a dozen John Coltrane albums committed to memory.

Dean stated our playing “lacked musical energy” and “emotion or style.” It is true that feeling and spontaneity are abstract concepts, subject to opinion, that come to be appreciated with experience. Dean proves he has little to none of this necessary experience.

Good luck on future projects, Dean. Practice asking, “Avez vous de ketchup?”

Patrick Bolin

Senior music education major

*Gore’s not a loser

Brynn Lary’s article “A Lifetime Of Losing: Al Gore tries to keep the streak alive,” appearing in the Dec. 9 edition of The Maine Campus, is the most recent in a string of highly biased editorials that makes unfounded accusations against the non-Republican party line.

In Lary’s article, Gore is asserted as being a “perpetual loser” and a stooge for China’s communist part; However, one glimpse at Al Gore’s life of service proves these allegations totally untrue.

Gore has worked for the United States in a number of ways. He is a Vietnam veteran and has served terms as congressman, senator and vice president. In addition to these achievements, Gore won the popular vote in the 2000 presidential election and earned more votes than any other democratic presidential candidate in history. Clearly these are not the vital statistics of an un-American lifetime loser.

Anna Wieck

Freshman art history major

One of the hardest parts of the Yuletide season is buying gifts for people you don’t particularly like. You’d look like a stingy jerk if you didn’t get something for your kid brother. The fact that he’s the one who showed your mom the porn site bookmarks on your laptop when they visited on parents weekend doesn’t excuse you from getting him a Christmas present.

Instead of burning out the few brain cells left after last weekend, try conjuring up some gifts that will smack them upside the head. Solitary confinement gives me a lot of time to sit and think, so I have constructed a holiday shopping attack plan for buying gifts for all of the folks you don’t want to have a joyous holiday season.

The most obvious cruel gift is one that points out a persons shortcomings. Gym memberships are a little too obvious. A coupon redeemable for a free tummy tuck or an entire pallet of Old Spice deodorant will do the trick. Membership to the toupee club anyone? There’s something to be said for subtlety, so maybe 40 bucks worth of tic-tacs will expose your plan. Remember what dating has taught you — always pretend to care.

Exposing your sibling’s vices may not fool anyone into thinking you love them, but your folks will be too busy kicking them in the neck to even worry about who gave them that box of rolling papers. If your sister is a ho-ho-ho, a home pregnancy test will take the spring out of her Hepatitis B infected step. For the record, Planned Parenthood does not sell gift certificates — I checked.

Got an aunt you can’t stand? Give her toddler the loudest toy you can find.

If your brother, step dad or parole officer is a big sports fan, nothing says Christmas cheer like a sweatshirt with a big team logo on it. If you were to, say, “accidentally” give them paraphernalia of their favorite team’s biggest rival, you could just tell them you got confused. Just like the time you drank all of that adult eggnog at Mom’s office party cause it tasted “just like that grocery store stuff, honest!”

Gifts that you know will just go to waste are another possibility. A $10 gift certificate for guitar lessons will strike a delicate chord for that busy body in your clan that doesn’t even have enough free time to download mp3s. You also will get the added bonus feature of making the receiver feel bad about shelving that nice gesture.

The cruelest gift is reserved for cheapskate aunts and uncles. Just send them a Hallmark card with no money in it. Let them know that a book about birds won’t cut the mustard this year.

So sit back, put your fur trimmed boots up and throw back another ‘nog in toast of the little Christmas miracle called mental trauma.

Mike Hartwell is a freshman journalism major.

Over the years, students have repeatedly felt jipped and sometimes even ripped-off by the book buyback system. While this type of reaction isn’t necessarily common, it is frustrating to receive only 50 cents for something that cost you $12 — used. Well my fellow UMainer’s, there is another way now, thanks to Steven Milligan and Michael Grenier. Milligan and Grenier have created Undercutters. The web site is set up to connect book sellers with book buyers.

With a sigh of relief coming from your eased mouth, we recommend you take advantage of this great opportunity. This Web site is about as grassroots as it comes. The Maine Campus reports that Millgan saw a normal computer science web design project as a chance to start the dream.

Undercutters isn’t really a thorn in the Bookstore’s side either. While their may be some unspoken or implied animosity in each other’s organizations, it is great that students have a choice.

If the stress of the final week of classes wasn’t enough, you have the option of either selling your books back to the Bookstore or rolling the dice with the new and trendy Undercutters. Between deciding what final to study for first and when you’re going to book it off campus, keep in mind that you may be saving yourself some serious dough by taking a chance with Undercutters. Be warned though. Just because your books go up on Undercutters, doesn’t mean that they will put you in contact with someone that wants to buy them.

Undercutters only can get better with greater student participation — sign up and if it doesn’t work out, you can always sell you soul back to the Bookstore for $2.50.

No Christmas tree would be complete without:

Apple I-Pod ($299 for 5GB )

Despite their great appeal, MP3 players have not been a big hit in recent years due to size and battery life concerns. Thankfully, Apple’s I-Pod is here, models are available for both PCs and Macintosh. The I-Pod has a sleek and slim design — the size of a deck of cards and it weighs just over six ounces. It holds a whopping five gigabytes, well over 1,000 songs. Using a Firewire connection (rather than USB) ensures that transfers take minutes, not hours. The price tag is a bit steep, (you might have to sell all your text books and your roommate’s CD collection) but you can’t beat the portability, ease of use and vast amounts of songs you can carry with you to class or around the dorm.

“Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring” — Platinum Extended Edition ($25 on Amazon.com)

Fantasy has never really been my thing. I can’t explain to you the difference between any of the “Star Trek” series, or what exactly the weak point of the Death Star is. But if you ever watch any fantasy film, make it this one. This extended version of the blockbuster film clocks in at about a lengthy three and a half hours, including 30 minutes of additional footage. The set is four DVDs; Discs 1 and 2 feature the film and additional commentary. Discs 3 and 4 feature special extras including documentaries about the set and filming, as well as original art galleries and a slide show. The power and emotion of the story, the timeless battle of good vs. evil, make for the best flicks you can own this year.

Paul McCartney’s Back in the US – Live 2002 ($13.95 on Amazon.com

Sir Paul’s return to the world stage was a triumphant one. This two disc live album captures 35 of his best songs, covering Paul’s time with the Beatles, Wings and his solo career.

Highlights include: “Band on the Run,” “Yesterday,” “Hey Jude,” “Live and Let Die,” “Jet” and “Here, There, and Everywhere.” The live performances on the DVD are touching, and McCartney proves that at 60 he is still one of the most powerful forces in rock and roll.

Nikon Coolpix 2000 ($250)

College is full of memories. Who could forget the time your friend mooned the school bus, or the New Year’s party you spent hugging the porcelain throne? Capture these and other heartwarming memories with the Nikon Coolpix 2000. It’s affordable and loaded with great features. Photos will be crisp with the 3x optical lens, 2.5x digital zoom and two megapixels CCD. Photos can be downloaded to your computer with one touch of a button. A shot selector helps you determine the perfect light settings for your pictures. And because it’s digital you can delete the duds and keep the embarrassing ones on CD to blackmail all your friends.

Happy Holidays to all and in the spirit of the season, make sure that everyone you know has this list so they know what to give you. It’s not being greedy, for we all know the true reason for the season is getting kickass stuff. We deserve it, we’re hardworking college students. So, Merry Christmas and enjoy the new stuff.

“The name is Cine’fy. ‘Fy, like in unify, and cinema like in film. So our hope is to unify the film community by creating one organization that will bring them all together,” Vice President Adam Chittenden said.

Cine’fy is a new film club on campus for students, faculty and anyone affiliated with UMaine interested in viewing and producing films.

The club plans to show weekly screenings of foreign and independent films in 101 Neville Hall. They also plan to unite with other organizations to promote the awareness of these types of films and what goes into them. Meetings will be held at the same time as the screenings.

“We’re going to work with other clubs and professors to fortify the educational experience,” Cine’fy’s Co-President, Jason Lainsbury, said.

The group also wants to set up a film festival, to give students a chance to show their work to the community.

“[The] purpose of Cine’fy is to promote a film minor by showing the strong interest in film among the student population at the University of Maine,” Chittenden said.

The English Department has agreed to fund the group with $400 once they are recognized as an official university club, but the group does not anticipate this will be a problem because they already have 20 members and dedicated leaders in Lainsbury, Chittenden and Olney Atwell. With the money the English Department provides, the club will start a DVD library that will eventually be available at the students’ disposal.

Cine’fy wants to emphasize that they aren’t a bunch of couch potatoes planning to spend all the English Department’s money on “Girls Gone Wild.” According to the group, their intent is to educate and act as a think tank to help members achieve cinematic euphoria.

Joining the club is easy with Cine’fy’s conference on FirstClass. In the folder, one can find out what’s happening with the club, as well as the film culture locally. However, the group says to join you don’t even have to find the folder; simply open a new message, type “I want to join” and send it to “join Cine’fy.”

The club will have their first showing in 101 Neville Hall Thursday, Dec. 12. There will be a double feature of the French film “400 Blows” at 6 p.m. and “The Dangerous Lives of Altar Boys” at 8 p.m. Next semester the club will set up a weekly time for films and meetings.

The show featured all of the choral groups on campus, featuring more than 300 voices in all, including Collegiate Chorale, University Singers, Oratorio Society, Black Bear Men’s Chorus and Athena Consort. The evening was filled with festive fun, including holiday classics, traditional and religious music.

The Collegiate Chorale kicked off the event with some spiritual songs. “The Shepherd’s Farewell to the Holy Family” from H. Berlioz’s “Flight Into Egypt” was first, followed by the resounding “Le Sinneul del Enfant Jesus” by F.A. Gevaret. They ended their performance with “Light One Candle” by P. Yarrow. The Collegiate Chorale was under the direction of Ronald Sherwin, with members drawn from university students.

The second act of the night featured the lovely Athena Consort. Their first song, the depressingly beautiful “The Snow (op. 6 no. 1)” was followed by the hopeful notes of “Fly, Singing Bird (op. 26, no. 2),” both composed by Edward Elgar. Students Ashley Offret and Nancy Vincent provided amazing accompaniment on violin. The consort’s final piece was the Canadian folk song “I went to the Market.” The Consort, an all-female group under the direction of Kevin Birch, delivered a haunting and beautiful performance.

The Black Bear Men’s Chorus celebrated its first anniversary with a heartfelt performance. Daniel Williams is the director of the group made up of men in the university and Orono community. They opened with the traditional “The Boar’s Head Carol,” followed by “Chariot” and Ehud Manor and Nurit Hirsh’s “Bashana Habaah.” The final piece featured handclaps, choreography and percussion from Matthew Madore and was directed by graduate student Joe LaCombe.

The Oratorio Society is composed of adults from the local community. The group performed, under the direction of Ludlow Hallman, three traditional Christmas carols, “Joy to the World,” “Un flambaeu, Jeanette, Isabella” and “Silent Night.”

The final group to perform was the University Singers led by Dennis Cox. Their excellent performance included the mystical “O Magnum Mysterium” by Morten Lauriden, Brahms’s “O Shone Nacht,” and a brilliant and energetic “Walk in Jerusalem” arranged by Paul Rardin.

Following the individual performances, the entire ensemble joined together on stage. With pen lights and battery-powered candles in hand, all 300 voices joined together for a series of songs celebrating the season.

These included “Still, Still, Still,” “Adeste Fideles” and a haunting “Silent Night.” An upbeat “Hark the Herald Angels Sing” was complimented with the traditional favorites “Deck the Hall,” “Joy to the World” and “Jingle Bells,” which featured contributions from the audience.

The festivities continued with “Lullay, Thou Little Tiny Child,” a booming “Angels We Have Heard On High” and a somber “O Holy Night.”

The evening concluded with the “Hallelujah Chorus” that brought the audience to their feet to sing along. When all was finished, the talented vocalists of the University of Maine community had managed to bring a bit of Christmas to those of us eagerly awaiting the holidays.

During the tournament, the team tied two games, against State University of New York-Brockport and Central Connecticut State University, and recorded two victories over SUNY Albany and Southampton College.

Since Connecticut, the team has traveled to its second tournament in Rahway, N.J. While there, UMaine played Neumann College, Cornell University, Syracuse University and Wentworth Institute for Technology and left the tournament with a 2-1-1 record.

Coach Frank Ulrich had nothing but good things to say about his team.

“The team worked hard, I am happy with the final outcome of this weekend’s tournament. The work ethic demonstrated impressed me, and I hope to continue to see the same approach to future games down the road, ” Ulrich said.

The team has come a long way since their start playing on parking lots behind Alfond Arena. The team now is allowed to practice on two university tennis courts. The team currently has 25 members, but the team is open to any hockey player who is willing to be fully committed to the team. They practice Wednesdays, Fridays and Sundays, with dry land training on Tuesday and Thursday nights.

The team feels very strongly about their strength and dedication and has set its goal of winning the national championship in the spring.

“I know it is a high goal, but with the talent we have it is a possible one,” team defensemen Chris Whitford said.

The team has played strongly in the beginning of the season and hopes to only improve through the rest of their play. The team’s next tournament is in February.

“Every loss is a disappointment for an athlete, especially when you know that you were the better team that day,” senior forward Raffi Wolf said. “Unfortunately, Niagara scored twice on us using their power play at the end of [the] third period. We lost our focus killing the penalty the last few minutes in the game which led to the loss.”

That power play came at the end of the third period and was the turning point of the game as junior defenseman Naomi Smethurst was whistled for a five-minute slashing penalty at 13:14 of the period. The Purple Eagles took advantage as senior captain Valerie Hall scored her second goal of the game. Less than three minutes later, on the same power play, Bradi Cochrane scored the game-winning goal at the 16:08 mark of the period.

“We were going to win the game until we took the five-minute major, which I don’t agree with, but we put ourselves in that situation by not playing smart,” UMaine head coach Rick Filighera said.

Though she suffered her fifth defeat of the season, junior goaltender Lara Smart was named to the Hockey East honor roll this week after making 31 saves, with 17 in the third period alone.

This weekend the Black Bears face perhaps their toughest challenge of the season as they face off against the top-ranked team in the nation, Harvard University.

“They can play Olympians every other shift and that’s what they are going to do,” Filghera said. “We’re going to have to play our best. We can’t make mistakes. We can’t be in the box. We have to score on every chance. We can’t give up opportunities to score.”

Harvard is coming into the game with a record of 9-1-0 this season, dominating their opponents by outscoring them 59-11. The Crimson are led offensively by senior forward Jennifer Botterill, junior defenseman Angela Ruggiero and freshman forward Julie Chu, who are all top-10 in the nation in points. Botterill has accumulated an impressive 16 goals and 17 assists so far this season and has been named ECAC Player of the Week three times already this season. Junior goaltender Jessica Ruddock is currently the top-rated goalie in the nation, holding a 9-1-0 record with a 1.17 goals against average and .920 save percentage.

UMaine and Harvard have played seven games before, the Black Bears losing all seven. The teams met once last season, with UMaine losing 3-2 after a comeback in the third period, with two goals by junior forward Meagan Aarts.

After playing only two games at home this season, the Black Bears will play 13 of their last 18 games next year in the friendly confines of Alfond Arena.

“I certainly believe that we will come out flying after break,” Wolf said. “The team has a lot of character that we will need in order to be successful. Our advantage will be less traveling, which will help a lot. As long as we stay focused and positive as a team, we will earn the success we deserve.”

After this weekend’s game at Harvard, the Black Bears will return to action Jan. 6 against Colgate University at 7 p.m. at Alfond Arena.