As the trustees dined on $3,300 worth of meals at the “retreat” and averaged $40 per person just for snacks, UMS classified workers continued to work without a contract. While the trustees found it reasonable to pay a “facilitator” $1,839 a day to perk up their gathering, they also found it reasonable to send UMS negotiators to the mediation table, where failed negotiations have once again ended up with an offer of a one-half percent increase in wages for their lowest-paid workers.

In doing so, they rescinded their original proposal of a 2.5 percent increase because they “no longer can afford” the original offer. Even at 2.5 percent, the resulting annual increase to the average classified salary would fall almost $100 short of being enough to pay the snack tab at the trustees retreat. When a concurrent proposal of a 52 percent increase in insurance premiums for family coverage is factored in, the gap widens even more.

The trustees unashamedly paid their “facilitator” almost 21 times per day what they are willing to pay their average classified worker, who “facilitates” the entire mission of the UMS on a daily basis — without free snacks.

What UMS can afford seems to vary greatly depending upon what they are discussing. They are currently funding a new three percent increase for university faculty, coupled with an additional three and a half percent post-tenure increase to be awarded to one-fourth of all tenured faculty per year for the next four years, as long as their performance is “satisfactory.”

While average UMS faculty salaries fall below the national average and many are underpaid in comparison to their counterparts nationwide the same is even more true for the classified workers in the system whose average annual salary is 11 percent below even Maine’s average per capita income. At the same time, the UMS chancellor’s salary has grown from $151,973 in 2000 to a current $195,000 — a 28 percent increase over a two-year period, and 768 percent above the state’s average income. Indeed, what can the UMS afford?

A thorough audit of the University of Maine System’s financial practices is long overdue. This should be an obvious part of the governor’s and Legislature’s efforts to deal with the state’s $1.1 billion budget crisis. However, every plea for such an audit has been met with threats that the result will be big cuts in university funding and in the money available for workers’ salaries and benefits. Gov. Baldacci and the Legislature needs to make sure that when the study is done, it is the waste, irresponsible spending and top-heavy administration that gets cut and that workers are protected.

In the meantime, the Board of Trustees needs to put a quick end to the System’s demeaning, humiliating attitude toward its classified workers. Their bullying tactics in the negotiating process and the message it conveys have resulted in the lowest morale among workers that likely has ever been seen.

Suzanne Moulton is a member of the history department at the University of Maine.

You’re missing an integral ingredient, that’s what. My room is currently being toasted to upwards of 90 degrees. It’s been more warm in here than it’s been cold, and I have a hard time distinguishing the season when inside. I can look out and see snow on the ground, but for all I know Sugarloaf could have had an errant delivery of that fake snow the ski slopes use.

I’m disgruntled. This is not amusing, and it certainly isn’t comfortable. I’ve shut the window before going to sleep before, slinked below the blankets and woken up the next morning sweating like it’s the dog days of summer. This is ridiculous.

I read online the other day that in Ireland an unborn baby was going to give testimony in a trial. The heating problems are that surreal. Forget watching a bunch of has-been actors and music stars on a reality television show. I don’t need that kind of gibberish.

I don’t need this abundance of warmth either, and I’m not really sure why the hall thinks I do. They aren’t purposely keeping my room this hot — at least I don’t think they are. It’s some kind of blunder in the heating system, some kind of overcompensation. Instead of setting it on Maine, the heat is set on Ice Age Maine, and I do believe there’s a difference. A subtle one, but still.

The temperatures outside are ever so slowly rising, but this is still a problem. The heating system is sadistic, I tell you. Trouble is, the other day I could have sworn that the heater was attempting to compensate for the opened window, nearly cranking the room back to the 90 degrees it would be without the outside assistance to thwart this thermal tyranny.

The Beatles thought that happy was a warm gun; Charles Schultz believed it was a warm puppy. I will not add, at this moment, that happiness is a warm room, since at the moment I am having serious qualms with that. I like a warm room, but this wintry attempt at it is backfiring. It is not at all pleasant.

I’ve had to stick so much extra tape on the posters in the surrounding area that it’s beginning to look like the walls are covered less by posters than by tape. It’s a monstrosity. Thank goodness the tape is transparent.

Right now, actually, it doesn’t seem so bad. The previous attempt at raising the temperature to negate the window is not a problem, and I actually feel a slight chill in the air. The heating system’s inconsistency will be its undoing. I almost feel like laughing, but this taunting may be taken as a challenge. I don’t want to risk that.

This battle is not one I signed up for. It’s unjust and unjustified. I’m just a simple student trying to make his way on campus. All of this extra tape is going to cost me, but luckily I have a substantial supply of it and winter can’t last forever.

But then again, maybe this really is another Ice Age and someone failed to inform me. That would be ridiculous.

Anthony Laplume is a senior English major.

Part of the unease and ambivalence to the proposed regime change in Iraq is that the Bush team hasn’t answered about what comes next. It hasn’t been able to credibly answer many questions. Saddam Hussien is definitely a threat, but why is he an imminent threat? How does this operation affect the rest of the Middle East? What about Palestine?

The Middle East is a very volatile part of the world. Since the region sits on the majority of the world’s oil supply, what happens there has a direct impact on the global economy. In addition, many other important issues, such North Korea’s intransigence and the heightened tensions between the nuclear-armed neighbors India and Pakistan, are not getting the attention they deserve from the United States and world administrators.

People in Washington are finding themselves in a strange fix. To back down now, after almost a year of making threatening noises about Iraq and its weapons of mass destruction, will mean a serious loss of face and credibility. This will undermine the United States’ ability to confront existing dangers like North Korea and other emerging threats.

Nevertheless, going in alone or in the face of widespread opposition with very few allies has its own set of risks. The United States will be seen as an occupying force in Iraq. This will tap into the Arab-Muslim resentment that groups like Osama bin Laden’s al-Qa’ida feed on. This could have repercussions everywhere in the Arab-Muslim world. It could potentially destabilize regimes from the oil-rich monarchy of Saudi Arabia to the nuclear-armed Pakistani dictatorship. It could also undermine the help the U.S. government needs from other countries in rooting out al-Qa’ida cells.

It would help if the administration stops calling the United Nations irrelevant and taking jabs at those who oppose its policies. If you want cooperation from someone, even if you don’t agree with them completely, you don’t point fingers at them and call them names. This is a lesson most of us learned when we were in kindergarten. However, it seems many people in the present administration have somehow missed this valuable lesson. Yes, the United States is the most powerful and successful country the world has seen, but it too needs allies. Needlessly provoking and alienating others is an exercise in futility.

Having already gone the United Nations route, it would be better to give the weapons inspectors more time. However, firm deadlines should be set for Iraqi compliance. If Iraq still does not comply, the United States should lead an international coalition to take Saddam out with as broad a coalition as possible. Military victory may be the easiest part, but the aftermath wouldn’t be as easy. For that, the United States will require all the European and Arab allies it can get. Going into a conflict in the Middle East with a broad coalition like in the first Gulf War will make this venture less risky by spreading the risks.

Vrishali Javeri is a graduate student in business.

We commend University of Maine President Peter Hoff and Gov. John Baldacci for taking this issue by the horns. Unfortunately, it feels like it isn’t going to be solved anytime soon.

One thing can be done immediately to remedy a part of this problem: lower tuition rates. The northeast is full of quality universities like Boston College, Harvard and Dartmouth. So, if Maine wants to keep its high school graduates, it must be willing to give them some incentive for staying in state. It just doesn’t make sense for UMaine to be among the highest tuition state school in the nation with such a weak state economy.

This problem is two-fold though. In addition to Maine losing its high school students to out-of-state colleges, graduates of Maine universities are fleeing the state in droves. In fact, Maine is among the worst states in the nation at retaining graduates.

According to Philip Trostel, a UMaine economics professor who has been researching the topic for more than a year, the lack of prosperity and culture in Maine is why graduates are flocking out of state.

There simply aren’t enough well-paying jobs in Maine to keep graduates here, and according to Trostel, “there is little sign that this trend is changing.”

This is truly disturbing, especially to those of us at this university who are graduating in a few short months. There is little comfort in the fact that many UMaine graduates will not be able to find jobs in this state. We need higher education to change and tuition prices to fall soon.

5. Johnny Cash — “Delia’s Gone.” Yeah, there are a lot of sad love songs in the Cash catalog, but nothing so wonderfully evil as this gem. The song is a tale of murder, in which a tired husband takes a gun to his nagging wife. Cash sings it straight, as if the subject matter were no different than any other cowboy’s lament. Sadistic and sick, but enjoyable.

4. Lesley Gore — “It’s My Party.” Forget your Dashboard Confessionals, your Jimmy Eat Worlds and your Saves the Days. This is emo. Well, not exactly, but it does capture the self-centered, “woe-is-me” pain of rejection that every high-schooler feels at one time or another. A classic song and a classic formula. Gore comes across like a spoiled brat, defiantly declaring that it is in fact her party and she will cry if she wants to, damn it. Thankfully, everything works out in the song’s follow-up, “Judy’s Turn to Cry.”

3. Guns N’ Roses — “You’re Crazy.” This track, from the greatest metal album ever, Appetite for Destruction, is an angry love song — Axl-style. On this track, the irascible Mr. Rose declares that he has been looking for love, and all he found was a lover who was f**king crazy. Of course, we all probably realize who the crazy one really was in that relationship, but nevertheless, butt-rockers need anti-love anthems too.

2. The Beatles — “Rocky Racoon.” Despite being slightly tongue-in-cheek, this country tune is one of the few Beatles songs where love ever gets a bad rap. Rocky, the hero of the tale, has the love of his life stolen away, gets punched in the eye, is subsequently shot and then treated by the drunken town doctor. Of course, brave Rocky declares that it’s not over until it’s over, but one gets the feeling that Mr. Racoon is probably doomed. The appeal of the song is the lingering hope that Rocky clings to, symbolized by the copy of Gideon’s Bible that he finds in the local saloon.

1. Tina Turner — “What’s Love Got To Do With It?” Heh, you probably saw this one coming a mile away. That’s all right though. Tina Turner has been through it all, and if anyone is versed on the negative side of that emotion we call love, it’s her. Turner triumphed over an abusive relationship with her husband Ike and forged an even more successful career for herself. In this song, Turner puts her brain before her heart because, after all, “who needs a heart, when a heart can be broken?” Truly a testament to the power of sheer will and perseverance, Tina Turner is easily deserving of the No. 1 spot on this countdown.

So concludes this anti-love countdown. I’m sure I missed a lot of your favorites, and there are many more songs deserving of recognition. Heartbreak has always been a prime target of the minstrelsy. From the Chicago blues of Muddy Waters to the tormented emo-folk of Dashboard Confessional, sadness has been a driving force in popular music. I guess when we cry, we want the whole world to cry, too.

The seven comedians will all compete in the first round, and the top three will move on to the finals for a chance at the cash prize and the title “UMaine’s funniest person.” The comedians will be judged by laughter of the crowd and general presentation.

“We have seen all the big name comedians … this is a chance to give comedians on campus an opportunity to shine,” Dan Burgess, showcase organizer, said.

The comedian showcase is sponsored by the American Marketing Association and Campus Activities Board. A gong-like alert will be rung when a “comedian has gone too far [and] has stopped being funny,” said Burgess, a second-year business, major.

Comics slated to perform include Travis Cowing, Ryan Waning, Matthew Desmond, Trey Reeves, Merrit Janes, Tim Johnston and Kevin Paul, with Kevin Child hosting the event.

“There are a few comedians that are fairly well established, it will be great to see if they can defend their reputations,” Burgess said.

Burgess said that they hope to make the Comedian Showcase an annual event that will get larger over time.

“We are looking for this to be the start of a big thing in the future,” Burgess said. “We hope that in three or four years, comedians will want to compete for this.”

The Pa. native and Washington D.C. transplant delivered one of the finer performances in the recent history of the weekly Java Jive music series.

The opener and one of the best songs of the night, “The District,” was an upbeat and heartfelt tribute to love and overcoming distance in a relationship.

“I’m just gonna play some songs … and you drink coffee or beer, and listen,” Richman said.

“Suck It Up” was the first of a batch of new songs Richman had written after a frustrating seven- month period without any fresh material. He said that the inspiration for his first CD was love and the start of a relationship. His new songs were written after being dumped.

“They are love songs, just one-sided,” he said.

Other early highlights included “One Over Two” and a cover of “Something Was Always Wrong” by Toad and the Wet Sprocket.

Throughout the night, Richman bantered with the crowd, telling stories about his experiences as a musician and the meanings behind his songs. At one point he even polled the audience.

“I’m up here telling you everything about me, it’s only fair,” Richman said.

The jazzy and upfront “Let’s Do It Again” was explained as a song about making out. Richman preceded the next tune, “Better,” with a story about growing his hair out, wearing a red bandanna for a year and writing a song about a girl whose name he could rhyme with it.

“You can laugh the first time you hear the chorus, but not after that,” he said.

“Portraits” was about Richman’s self-described “crappy 19th birthday,” while the pop piece “Everything That You Need” was written after he decided to become a musician. The John Mayer-ish acoustic candy “Bite My Tongue” came next. Richman closed with perhaps the best song of the evening, “From the Pain,” which he said was written for a full band.

Talkative and witty, Richman seemed perfectly at ease playing out his emotions on stage. His performance was excellent. Well-crafted and catchy songs were supplemented by a mellow, yet hopeful voice and smooth guitar hooks. At times melancholy, others upbeat, Richman was solid throughout his set.

He is just as enthusiastic about his chosen profession.

“Nothing compares to getting up everyday and doing something you love,” he said.

Richman said he has always known that he wanted to be a musician. Every year since seventh grade, he would rent a four-track recorder for his birthday and record songs. He lists Nirvana, Guns n’ Roses, the Red Hot Chili Peppers, the Indigo Girls and “pretty much all radio.”

His songwriting process is built around hooks.

“I have a lot of lyrics with no songs. If I can’t hear a song, it’s not musically worth keeping.”

Richman released his debut CD, Two, in 2001. He says that despite its age, it is a disc he is still proud of. He is currently touring the northeast and plans to record a record with a full band in the summer.

“Take away the fact that it’s my job, and I get paid, and I drive sometimes to play to no one…if people respond in a positive way after the show, it’s vindication. I’m valid,” Richman said.

The victory was a total team effort, as head coach Sharon Versyp subbed frequently and used 11 players in the first half alone. Juniors Heather Ernest and Melissa Heon led the way with 17 and 13 points, respectively.

The Black Bears extended their winning streak to 16 games and improved their record to 20-4 and 13-0 in America East Conference play. UMaine has three games remaining against Boston University, the University of Vermont and a meeting against the University of Hartford this Saturday.

The Black Bears opened the game with an easy bucket just 15 seconds into play. Despite their usual slow start at home, Heon was able to feed Ernest under the basket for an uncontested layup.

Albany came out in a 2-3 zone, defensively, but the Black Bears were patient in the first half and put 31 points on the board. UMaine shot 33 percent from behind the three-point line, while scoring 14 points in the paint.

Though UMaine is the conference’s best scoring team, Versyp usually credits a tenacious defense for its offensive spark. Once again, this was the case Wednesday night, as the Black Bears held the Great Danes to their lowest scoring half of the year with 12 points on 25 percent shooting.

“If your offense isn’t going, you need to rely on defense. That’s what we have done and we will continue to do,” Versyp said.

Versyp was pleased with her team’s execution in the first half, saying she was excited about the Black Bears’ play for the majority of the game. The third-year head coach also said she was proud of how her team attacked Albany’s defense.

“They came out in a 2-3 zone, and we did do a good job, but once we started running and playing tenacious defense, it all came together,” she said.

Ernest said tackling the zone was a matter of doing what the Black Bears were taught.

“We knew what we needed to do to break down their defense. We just needed that extra pass,” Ernest said.

The junior forward also said she was proud of her team’s patience when it came to finding the open man.

The Black Bears and the Great Danes played even in the first 10 minutes, but several Black Bears contributed to a 9-0 run that had UMaine leading 19-7 with less than nine minutes remaining in the first half.

Junior Julie Veilleux began the run by taking a charge underneath the Albany basket at 10:41. Ernest then added consecutive baskets, followed by an Albany turnover and a Veilleux three-pointer to give the Black Bears their first double digit lead of the game.

UMaine would also add a Kim Corbitt basket at the buzzer to make the UMaine lead 31-12 going into the locker room.

The Great Danes nearly tripled their points total in the second half, but it was too late for the University of Albany, as UMaine had built a 30-point lead with less than 10 minutes remaining to play.

Senior captain Ellen Geraghty hit one of her two threes of the game, and Ernest followed with a conventional three-point play to give the Black Bears a 61-31 lead at 9:04.

The Black Bears did not take the Great Danes lightly, and despite a large lead for most of the game, Versyp wasn’t pleased with her team’s defense in the second half.

Heon believes the team must play hard for the remainder of the season.

“They had nothing to lose. Everyone wants to knock us off, it’s a fact. We have to play hard,” she said.

The Black Bears will travel to Hartford on Saturday for a second meeting with Hartford. Though the Black Bears were able to knock off the Hawks, 74-64, in overtime at Alfond Arena, Feb. 1, Heon knows there will be a challenge ahead of her team.

“Playing on the road is going to be a big deal,” Heon said. “We’ve got to play hard all the time.”

The Black Bears need a sweep of the Terriers at Alfond Arena this weekend to remain in the hunt for the Hockey East regular season championship.

The Black Bears (23-6-5, 13-5-4 Hockey East) need to sweep and need the University of New Hampshire to take three out of four points from Boston College on the weekend to force a three-way tie atop the league standings, in which UMaine would win the tiebreaker.

The Terriers (20-11-3, 12-9-1) need points as well. They are currently one point ahead of Providence for the fourth and final home-ice spot in the Hockey East Quarterfinals. The Terriers would lose a tiebreaker with the Friars for fourth place, and with Providence playing its final regular season game at home against last-place UMass-Lowell, the Terriers most likely need three points out of the weekend to secure home ice.

“We know it’s going to be a very challenging weekend for both teams,” UMaine coach Tim Whitehead said. “We need to stick to the game plan and play with the same passion on faceoffs and on special teams that we had on Saturday night [at UMass].”

Whitehead said the team played with a lot more passion on Saturday in a 4-0 win at the Mullins Center than it did on Friday in a 4-2 loss to the Minutemen.

“[The win] was a good step in the right direction for us,” Whitehead said. “It was good to get a monkey off our back by scoring four goals. I thought special teams and faceoffs were the biggest plus the second night, because they’ve been our Achilles heel recently.”

UMaine went 1-for-4 on the power play and scored a shorthanded goal, while holding UMass to 0-for-2 Saturday.

One other important change was moving senior center Tom Reimann to defense for the series finale. It is a move Whitehead believes worked.

“We moved him back there to get some more experience on the blue line,” Whitehead said. “Since we’ve been turning the puck over from time to time, we felt it was important to get another veteran back there.”

“He’s not really a defenseman, but he’s a smart hockey player,” Whitehead said of Reimann. “I was impressed with how he played. He only had one scoring chance against [UMass] and he was involved in several chances for us. He brought a good presence for us there, and we’ll play him there again this weekend.”

One other major question is whether junior Frank Doyle’s 18-save shutout was enough to win him the Friday night start over freshman Jimmy Howard, who has lost his last three starts.

“We’ll wait and see,” Whitehead said.

The Terriers’ chances will probably be pinned on their goalie and defense this weekend. Between the pipes, junior Sean Fields has been in net for almost every BU game this year. He is 19-10-3 with a 2.45 goals against average and a .910 save percentage. He has struggled in his last five outings against UMaine, going 0-4-1 in that span while being pulled from two of the games. However, his last appearance at Alfond Arena was a good one, making 24 saves in a 3-2 overtime win on Nov. 9, 2001.

With senior captain Freddy Meyer out with an injury, BU youngsters will have to lead the defense, but BU has a capable group. Ryan Whitney (3-6-9) is the most well-known, as he was one of the stars for Team USA at the World Junior Championships in Nova Scotia this year. Fellow sophomore Bryan Miller (3-16-19) has had a history against the Black Bears. Last year, he only netted four goals, but three came against UMaine, including the overtime game-winner at Alfond. Also expect solid contributions from freshman Jekabs Redlihs (4-9-13) and senior Mike Bussoli (3-5-8).

Up front, BU doesn’t have a star, but they have plenty of steady players that can put the puck in the net. Junior Frantisek Skladany is the team’s leading scorer with nine goals and 19 assists for 28 points. The team has solid performances out of junior Mark Mullen (11-13-24), senior John Sabo (10-12-22) and senior Brian Collins (8-12-20).

Coach Whitehead is pleased that the games this weekend are at home.

“It doesn’t guarantee a win, as we’ve seen this year,” Whitehead said, “but it certainly is an advantage. We’re going to try to play as hard as we possibly can so the crowd is in the game. We can always count on our team playing hard, we don’t play smart sometimes, but we always play hard. We want the fans to be a factor this weekend.”

* There was a brawl outside Oak Hall last Saturday around 11 p.m. When police arrived, the crowd scattered. One student was chased into Hart Hall and questioned about his involvement. He admitted to taking part in the fight, then later changed his story, according to Officer Fizell.

The student and and the officer went to the student’s room in Hart Hall and were about to enter when the student tried to slam the door shut. The officer, who said he thought he was invited inside to talk to the student’s roommate, was already partway through the door. The student then opened the door wide enough to push the officer twice and then ran past him down the hall.

Gregory May, 19, was pounding on walls and doors before he was arrested for assault. Meanwhile, outside, an officer was talking to another man who had been involved in the fight. The man said he was walking past Oak Hall on his way from Hancock Hall when he was taunted with obscenities. He tried to keep going, but a man “jumped” him, pushed his thumb into his eye and threw him in the snow, punching him repeatedly. Police identified the assailant by the accounts of other witnesses and arrested Ryan Gallagher, 19, of South Portland on charges of assault.

* A beer pong game in Somerset Hall attracted the attention of an officer and a Resident Assistant on rounds Feb. 20. They were walking on the second floor around 11:30 p.m. when they heard the sound of a bouncing ping-pong ball. The RA knocked on the door and identified himself. When the door was opened, he and the officer saw 13 people, a 30-pack of Bud Light and a cardboard beer pong table. The officer was invited in, and he found another 30-pack and a backpack containing multiple bottles of beer and hard alcohol. There was a total of 66 cans and bottles of beer, in addition to two bottles of hard liquor.

As a result, the two residents of the room, Charles Bocchino, 19, and Philip Gagnon, 18, and the owner of the backpack, Anna Gleason, 19, were charged with illegal possession of alcohol by a minor. The other 10 occupants were sent to Judicial Affairs.

* There was a vehicle driving on the sidewalk near Jenness Hall around 1 a.m. Feb. 22. The driver bobbed his head when talking to the officer, as if he was about to fall asleep. He said he’d had six beers and failed the sobriety test. His blood alcohol content was .15. The officer also found five cans of beer in the car.

As a result, Kurt Bulwith, 20, was charged with illegal transportation of liquor and operating under the influence.