Opinion

Wanna go parking?

Hands on the steering wheel at all times

By Kristin Saunders

Posted on Sept. 29, 2003, at 12:00 a.m.

The words of Wayne and Garth echo through my head everyone morning as I make my daily approach to campus: “game on.” It is time to play the parking game.

The grand prize of the parking game is to find a parking spot and arrive to class on time. There is a very meticulous set of rules any driver must play by, but I’ll clue you in on my own set of rules.

I’m going to go through the parking game from a commuter student’s point of view, but really any driver can relate when arriving on campus between the stalemate hours of 10 a.m. and noon. There are tactics and game-winning plays the participants can utilize to guarantee a win.

The most common kind of parking attempt is a cat and mouse game. A driver will circle around a parking lot waiting for someone to leave his precious spot. This round of the game becomes increasingly more difficult when multiple drivers are circling a parking lot like a bunch of sharks around their prey. The first car to throw on a blinker when he finds an empty spot or see a former winner backing out of his spot wins. The margin of difficulty increases when it’s “magic hour” as I like to call it. If it’s 15 minutes before a class you can rest assuredly that 20 cars are driving around the parking lot fighting for one golden parking spot. I’m glad this is Orono, Maine, not south central Los Angeles where it could get really messy.

During magic hour there are more thrifty ways of finding a parking spot as you are circling the sea of parked cars. Search out an ally. Don’t worry, this isn’t cheating – it’s being smart. If a student is walking to his car, a precious parking spot driver will stalk him through the lot and follow him to his spot. The driver will weave through the parking lot, but more importantly he is competing with other drivers who have also spied a new friend walking to his car.

A word to the wise: do not commit too soon when tailing a person to his car, because he might duck into the other lane of cars. Poof, someone else has already pounced on your now lost parking spot.

The surest way to curry favor with your ally is to stop and ask where he is parked. Definitely flirt if he or she is the opposite sex. I’ll admit to doing it, and they were glorious parking spots. Also a great way to get a parking spot is not only to make friends with your new parking buddy, but you can “make eyes.” There’s no harm in it.

Just be cautious – I would advise against trading parking spots for sexual favors.

The alternative to your common “legal” parking spot is what I would like to call the pseudo-legal parking spots. Drivers, if you are nearing class and you have tried all your parking lots, start looking for a contingency plan. In the Belgrade and Maine Center for the Arts commuter parking lots, participants can attempt to risk it and park on the medians or in the yellow lines. Both of these options extend a person’s parking options but you do run the risk of the all-elusive parking ticket.

My personal favorite is when I see students fighting for illegal spots or waiting for someone to leave to park on the grass. Just watch out because the parking dudes will be right behind you with a big fat ticket. After all, they did make $723,000 in citations last year. But as my friend’s dad, “The Colonel,” says from his army ranger school, “if you ain’t cheatin’ – you ain’t trying.”

Kristin Saunders says “Game on!”

This entry was posted on Monday, September 29th, 2003, 12:00 am. You can follow any responses to this article through the RSS feed.