I think this breakup may be a bit more difficult than the others because Amy was the first non-inflatable girl that I really cared about. We got along so well. She had the best personality and a very kind heart. And boy, was she beautiful. She had the nicest cleft palate you have ever seen.

I laid in bed last night and tried to figure out what went wrong, not only in this relationship, but in all the relationships I’ve had in my life. After hours of contemplation I came to a startling conclusion: Amy was right. I am immature.

Then I began to think about a lot of other guys I know who are in a similar predicament. Many of you out there are also single because women don’t like your level of maturity. Time and time again, nice guys like us are passed up because we don’t “act our age.” Well guys, you’ll be happy to know that I’ve figured out a solution to our problem: we’ll date high school girls. Who says we should raise our level of maturity to meet that of these high class college women? Wouldn’t it be easier to sustain the same maturity level and just date younger girls? I think so.

Dating a high school girl will be perfect. First of all, high school girls are still sweet and innocent. They’ve probably only been with a couple of guys, unlike most college girls who have been banged around more than Tyson’s speed bag. High school girls still have their youth and good looks. Meanwhile, college girls are buttering their hips trying to squeeze into those old jeans from high school. No one has informed them they have put on a solid 45 pounds and are tipping the scales at well over a deuce.

And you know what, high school girls try to dress nice. They keep up with the changing times of fashion and always try to look trendy. College girls, on the other hand, think pajama bottoms and an old sweatshirt look “fly.” The sweatshirt, by the way, that contains sauce stains from last night’s delicious Hot Pocket.

But be prepared, guys, because people will say all sorts of vicious things about you and your high school romance. But who cares? You’ll be in love and that’s all that will matter. So what if she’s a bit younger than you. Who cares if you’re reading Shakespeare and she’s reading “Teen Beat.” So what if you’ve had your license for 10 years and she just got her permit – you don’t need a permit for love.

Well I gotta be going everyone. I have a hot date tonight. I’m taking a very hot high school junior to a movie. Hopefully the movie isn’t too long because I have to have her home early – it being a school night and all.

Travis Cowing is currently applying for the crossing guard position at Orono High School.

Seemingly coming out of nowhere was Rush Limbaugh in the ’80s, a decade of Reaganomics, political bamboozling, and the fine continuum of post-Vietnam political welters. Some said he was the son of Reagan as he got on the air and spit opinion and farces into the ears of Americans – opinions clearly lobbying conservative agenda through glib and usually malicious dialogue. He represented a new age in radio, however – an age when the mindless listened and fell in love with racism, fascism, and hypocrisy.

Several weeks ago Limbaugh admitted on the air that he has been addicted to Oxycontin for five years, a drug that the Drug Enforcement Administration claims is a legal equal to heroin. People were quick to laud Limbaugh’s weight loss, but I think dropping beef is usually made easier through the mass consumption of Oxycontin. Before this diatribe continues you must understand that some people deem Limbaugh to be a windbag, while I think, that combining his drug habit with his Eurocentric ideals, Rush is a douchebag.

Hypocrisy has never been illegal and if it were the entire Bush Administration would be upstate with the constant worry of a shank, where they’d get their next fix, and eerie of the next time they’d be made into prison princesses. He’s a hypocrite. Big deal, you say? He’s a hypocrite who banks more than $20 million a year and is a political voice heard by millions. Rush is guilty of using an illicit drug habitually and contributing to the whole black market for such chemicals. Although he has made remarks about legalization, it is only so that conservative administrations can save money on a drug war, one in which his friends – think Bush and Reagan – had a hand in implementing. In October 1995 Limbaugh said on his radio show, “There’s nothing good about drug use…people are violating the law by doing drugs. They ought to be accused and they ought to be convicted and they ought to be sent up.” Wonder if he’d wish this upon himself?

He also said, “Too many whites are getting away with drug use, too many whites are getting away with drug sales, too many whites are getting away with trafficking this stuff.”

It is clear that this man is sick, but why shouldn’t he suffer the same outcome of most drug addicts? Well, he’s white, he makes lots of money, and he clearly supports the conservative defamation of Americans. Even if he went up-state it’d be to a low-security rumpus room where he could smoke cigars and smack cognac glasses with Arthur Anderson, the ghost of Nixon and numerous other political puppets and puppeteers.

We all know that Limbaugh is a racist. He said on his show that African American opinions don’t matter since they’re only 12 percent of the population, criminals composites look like Jesse Jackson, and that a dissenting caller ought to take the bone out of his nose and call him back. We also can’t forget his latest foible at ESPN. It’s not only African Americans who he attacks but also gays and all other minority groups. All I can picture is Limbaugh and the current administration at the White House bumping lines and swilling beers, then jumping into very large Suburbans and attempting to drive over minorities in the streets in the name of the “white power structure.”

Although the proverbial douche himself may escape the hands of the law he has now been brought down to the level of the street vermin and lefties that he has so castigated for almost two decades. Maybe if Limbaugh gets lucky in rehab he’ll run into the Bush daughters, find a couple hits, and engage in the dirtiest threesome that rightist America has ever seen. Limbaugh is more guilty than other pushers and abusers since they practice what they preach and he has been lying to the masses. In lieu of his political ideologies, I say we lynch him.

Andre Sirois is a graduate student in communications.

I’m writing in response to a Letter to the Editor that appeared in the Oct. 20 issue of The Maine Campus. Seth Mitchell responded to Marshall Dury’s article on misguided American pride in the “post-Sept. 11 United States.”

Mitchell chastised Dury for his “Nalgene bottle-toting, granola-eating, anti-everything-American [stereotyping].” It struck me as slightly ironic that Mitchell began his rebuttal by listing all the stereotypes that Dury had mentioned in his own article and emphatically claiming that he belonged in none of those classifications. Then, by the end of his own rant, he discredited himself by slinging his own set of stereotypes at Dury.

First of all, I must say I agree with Dury … to a point. The current American society often blindly grabs the hand of pride because we are expected to as a result of the tragedy that befell us on Sept. 11. Though I take much pride in my country and our ability to unite after such a tragedy, I find it utterly disgusting that our society has the sheer gall to use Sept. 11 as an excuse to police the globe and to put all our faith in Bush as if he’s infallible. I also find it ignorant and silly for someone to assume that they are an expert on the events of Sept. 11 simply because they are enlisted in the armed forces.

I support my country. I support the troops. I get choked up when I think about the events of Sept. 11 and my fists shake with anger when I think about the stupid and misguided people who made that day a reality. But I also own a Nalgene bottle. Occasionally I eat granola. Sometimes I’ll watch some NASCAR on ESPN – one of Dury’s stereotypes. I’m an American, and I’m allowed to disagree with whomever I choose, including my president.

I’m not ignorant enough to believe that Sept. 11 was not, in part, my own fault simply because I am American. I’m not ignorant enough to believe that we don’t have an obligation to seek out the attackers. But I’m also not ignorant enough to believe that the bumper stickers and American flags that have become so prevalent in recent years often belong to people who would prefer to accept the word of reporters, rather than form their own educated opinions about this world.

To Mitchell, I’m glad you’re proud of your country, but please do not assume that just because you are in the military that we “civilians” are incapable of fathoming the depth of Sept. 11 and national pride. To Dury, don’t assume that there are none of us in the country who really do believe what’s printed on those stickers. And to both of you, don’t you dare assume that a sticker, a flag, or the inconvenience of having your car searched is the real important issue at hand.

Daniel Cavallari

Senior English major

* Misquoting America’s founding fathers

This letter is in response to a letter in the Oct. 23 edition of The Campus by Timothy Surrette. I think it’s unfair for the right wing conservatives of this country to be represented here by Timothy Surrette. He clearly does not know what he is talking about because he claims that our founding fathers wanted the Christian God to be present in every aspect of our daily lives. He cited four references to this in the Declaration of Independence. I’m not sure what “Christianize the World” brochure he read his version of the Declaration of Independence from, but in the real version there is no reference to the Christian God. This is exactly the way Benjamin Franklin, the editor of the document, wanted it to be written.

I truly cannot imagine how he quoted our first president, George Washington, as making a reference to our dependence on God after signing the Declaration. Not only is Washington’s name absent from the Declaration of Independence, he was not even present at the 1776 signing. I would really like to hear Surrette explain this to me.

Matt Shaer stated that religion in schools is not fair to “Jenny Atheist,” and Surrette countered by stating that it’s not fair to “Suzie Baptist” to not be exposed to religion in school. If a parent wants to send his child to a public school and wants religion to be part of her life, then it is up to the parent to teach the child religion after school. I can think of only one group of people that would want its children saturated with religion every minute of their lives.

Everyone tells me that Christianity is not a cult. My thinking is that parents want religion taught in school so they don’t have to spend that time teaching it to their kids. The fact remains that this country was founded on a separation of church and state. It’s up to parents and the Church, not school teachers, to expose kids to religion. It would be nice to read an editorial where the author knows what he is talking about every once in a while.

Ryan Phennicie

Microbiology major

After quite some time, Student Entertainment managed to satisfy the student body’s thirst for talented, well-known acts by bringing Maroon5 and Gavin DeGraw to campus. The overall enjoyment and talent presented by the headliner kept those in the crowd entertained from beginning to end.

The fact that tickets were only $8 for students only added to the appeal of this, one of best concerts at UMaine in recent memory. Our utmost congratulations goes out to Kate Trinward and the rest of Student Entertainment for succeeding in doing their job, that of keeping the student’s entertained while not forcing them to dip too deeply into their pockets. Our challenge is merely that you keep this up and not settle for cheap comics and musical acts, simply to fill a night. We would encourage Student Government and Campus Activities Board to continue in this pattern.

Our right to know

“The Raymond H. Fogler Library created the William S. Cohen Papers Forum to raise awareness about the diverse research material in the collection and to provide a forum for public discussion of current affairs,” according to the library’s Web site. This year’s forum focused on protecting the free flow of information following Cohen’s 1973 proposed shield law, providing some rights to subpoenaed journalists pressured to disclose their news sources.

In light of the Freedom of Information Act and embedded journalists reporting in Iraq, Wednesday’s forum proved a timely and pertinent discussion that illustrates the program’s potential to meet its stated goals. Speakers from all over the country were brought to the university as part of this event, showcasing the inititative of library representatives to make available what could have been just another under-used collection of research materials. We look foward to next year’s forum and the opportunity for educated debate it will provide.

One of the busiest bands this season is Cannibal Corpse. Since their creation in 1990, they have now reached the one million mark for combined sales of all of their albums. This great achievement has not slowed them down a bit. Their new album, The Wretched Spawn, is slated for release in February 2004 with such track titles as “Severed Head Stoning,” “Rotted Body Landslide” and “They Deserve to Die.” Along with their new album, a Cannibal Corpse box set will be released on Nov. 3 of this year. The box set, titled “15 Years Killing Spree,” will be a limited edition, featuring three CD’s and a DVD.

Horror-punk group the Misfits haven’t been laying down on the job either. After touring as Misfits: Project 1950 over the summer, Jerry Only (original Misfits member), Dez Cadena (Black Flag) and Marky Ramone (the name alone should tell you) will be playing again this fall with opening act, Agent Orange. Project 1950, the Misfits’ exploration of their own rock and roll roots, debuted at number two on Billboard’s Heatseekers Chart and at number five on their Top Independent Albums Chart.

English death metal rockers, Cradle of Filth, spent their summer headlining the second stage at Ozzfest, their first American rock festival, and playing many added small shows along the way with other second-stagers, such as Killswitch Engage. They will now be co-headlining a tour with Type O Negative throughout parts of lower New England until about halfway through December. One of the biggest questions in the horror metal scene right now, however, is whether or not the colorful masks and jumpsuits of Slipknot have been laid to rest permanently. The answer, now made public, is a resounding “no.” With new energy, Slipknot is preparing to once again cry havoc and let slip the aggressive fury that is their trademark.

The golden age of modern day horror movies was undoubtedly the 1970′s. That decade brought us “The Exorcist,” “Halloween,” “Dawn of the Dead,” “The Omen,” “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre,” in addition to many, many other quality films. These movies created the formulas that are repeatedly used in nearly every horror flick that comes out today. The ’70s held a certain originality in cinema that will probably never be re-captured again.

The ’80s brought the genre we all know as the slasher film to the forefront of scary movies. It was then that “Friday the 13th” and “A Nightmare On Elm Street” both saw the birth of their now seemingly endless series. The 80s also capitalized on the novelty of sequels. While “Halloween II” was pretty cool, I think the whole world could have gone without “C.H.U.D. II: Bud the Chud” – not to mention any of the follow-ups to “Critters”. Sadly, I’ve seen far too many of those horrendous horror sequels. Those are many wasted hours I’d do anything to get back.

The ’90s were pretty quiet. Sure, there were a few gems, like “Dead Alive” and “Interview With A Vampire,” but then came Kevin Williamson to defecate all over the horror genre. I can concede that the “Scream” trilogy was somewhat entertaining but the knock-offs that it spawned were enough to want to make me yearn for the Apocalypse. I’m sorry but “I Know Whose Ass You Slapped Last Weekend,” or whatever those movies were called, do not even form a shadow of a scary movie. The only thing scarier was how the masses ate that garbage up.

“Dead Alive” or “Jason X,” whether it’s horror movies are generally fairly hit or miss. So which ones should you pop in your DVD player this All Hallow’s Eve? If you’re looking for the classics look no further than the original “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre,” “Halloween” or perhaps “The Hitcher”. If you want a gore-fest then maybe “Evil Dead 2,” the aforementioned “Dead Alive” or “Dawn of the Dead” is more your speed. If you like ghost stories then check out “The Fog”, “The Others” or a recent favorite of mine, “The Ring.”

So pop in that scary movie, turn off those bright dorm lights, and curl up with some popcorn and or that special someone- because what’s Halloween without a few good scares?

It is not always your fault.

There are many reasons why someone becomes fat, but here is the bottom line. Being fat is like being addicted to cigarettes. It is so easy to get hooked, and once you do there is almost no going back. Surgery and other medical treatments are near failures. Most diet drugs are so dangerous, the Food and Drug Administration won’t let them touch a pharmacy counter. Once the fat tissue is there it is incredibly hard to get rid of it. Even people who are continuously monitored by a doctor and consistently encouraged to stick to their diets lose only two and a half percent of their body weight. That is only five pounds off of a 200 pound frame. Once a person stops dieting and exercising regularly, the weight often comes right back.

Then there are those who have no control over their weight problem. Genetics can play a serious role in a person’s size. Other conditions that may lead to obesity are hypothyroidism, steroid use and depression. If you think that you may have one of these conditions or a genetic predisposition to weight gain, go talk to someone at Cutler. There may be help for you.

There is also the argument that society today has simply led many of us into a sedentary lifestyle with high-calorie food on the run. Obesity is an epidemic that needs to be confronted by everyone, not just individuals. Be the one to organize a demand to improve the food that is offered to you. The University of Maine could truly be a Flagship University by setting an example to the nation. Charge less for bottled water when compared to coke in the soda machines. The dining commons could make a greater variety of healthy, low-fat foods that actually taste good. The Hilltop and South side markets could offer fruit, yogurt, and 100 percent fruit juices at lower prices than the Hot Pockets, chips and TV dinners. As a community we deserve better and we can get what we ask for if more would speak up.

There are many resources available to help you reduce and control your weight. Check out the dietitian on campus. Her name is Laura Honeycutt and she has an office in Stodder Hall. There are also nutrition students available to help you, check out their FirstClass site. If you feel that you overeat because of psychological reasons, visit the counseling center. They are open from 8 a.m. to 5 p.m., Monday through Friday. Their number is 581-1392, and walk-ins are welcome. There is a test available on-line at umaine.edu/counseling to see if you have an eating disorder. Finally, do not forget about the personal trainers at Latti Fitness Center. If you are unsure about a gym membership though, a little known secret about that place is that anyone with a MaineCard can try it out free twice a semester.

Many of us study nutrition and health everyday but still find all of this hard to do. When you are running late, it is so much easier to grab a quick burger than wait in line at Fernald’s. The key is to try your best everyday and to be consistent. Take the stairs instead of the elevator. Park as far away as you can from your buildings, just to get that extra walk in. Grab an apple or a plum instead of some candy next time. Everyone defines health differently, but generally health and happiness go hand in hand, and the healthier your lifestyle is now, the longer and happier your life will be.

The tour of the house begins at the front door and winds through the attic, into the basement and eventually ends up outside. Patrons will be brought through various scenes, including a graveyard, past a variety of strobe and black lights, and past a plethora of other frightening objects.

“We really want to scare people,” said Ryan Lane, the fraternities philanthropy chair.

One aspect of the house’s history the brothers capitalize on is a ghost story surrounding a death that occurred during the construction of the house. Joe Goss, a brother, died in 1901 and it is rumored that he was buried under the front door.

He is said to roam the halls of the house and a tombstone for him appears in the graveyard.

Most of the decorations and props were donated by local businesses, according Lane. Spencer’s Gifts, K-Mart, Toys R Us and several other businesses chipped in to assist in making the event a success.

B 97.1 FM do doing a live remote broadcast, as it has in the past.

All proceeds will go to benefit the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society, which is Phi Kap’s national philanthropy.

Last year the fraternity raised roughly $2,200 – the most they’ve raised to date. Their goal this year is to beat that number.

“Our goal each year is to do better than we did the year before,” Lane said.

Admission to the house is $3 per person.

The stadium, home of the undefeated Blue Hens holds 22,000 fans, and has averaged almost 21,000 in attendance for each of its five home games this season.

“We had 10,000 here for Montana and it’ll be double that and then some,” said coach Jack Cosgrove. “It’s a real football atmosphere, there’s no track around it. It’s very close, it’s a real football stadium.”

Delaware is 8-0 on the season (5-0 in the A-10) and ranked number two in the nation.

“We have a challenge in front of us in regards to not only a good football team but a hostile environment as well,” Cosgrove said.

The Blue Hens lead the conference in turnover ratio, they’re second in time of possession (behind Maine), they’ve given up the least amount of sacks, they’re the best in the league in third and fourth down conversions and the offense is nearly unstoppable when in the red zone.

“Those are the things that put a stamp on you as a good football team,” said Cosgrove.

Cosgrove said much of Delaware’s success is attributed to the team’s offensive line. He said they were the best Maine played against last season, and a lot of the same guys are back this season.

Behind that offensive line is senior quarterback Andy Hall. Hall has thrown for over 180 yards a game and 15 touchdowns.

“This game has everyone excited,” said linebacker Jermaine Walker. “Because it’s the number one defense [Maine], going against the number one offense [Delaware] in the conference.”

But don’t count out Maine’s offense just yet either.

After directing traffic for just his eighth collegiate game, quarterback Ron Whitcomb was named Atlantic-10 Rookie of the Week for the second time this season. His most recent recognition came after the win over James Madison this past Saturday where Whitcomb threw for 189 yards and two touchdowns.

“There’s no question that Ronnie has made tremendous strides this year in terms of his performance,” said Cosgrove. “He continues to get better on a weekly basis.”

What has Whitcomb improved most upon this season?

He believes it’s been cutting down his turnovers.

“To win at this level, you can’t turn the ball over,” he said. “With a defense as good as ours, being smart with the ball is key. That’s what made quarterbacks such as Jake Eaton successful.”

Whitcomb has endured plenty of success. With four games left in the season, he has completed 13 touchdown passes, surpassing the single season record for a Maine freshman.

“We couldn’t have put him in a tougher situation in opening his career up against a team like Montana,” said Cosgrove. “That was throwing him in to the fire and he responded very well. He is ahead of where I thought he would be [at this point in the season].”

Whitcomb will head to Delaware Nov. 1 for a 1 p.m. game, where he will celebrate his 20th birthday, and hopefully a victory.

“You dream of situations such as this, to play to keep yourself in the playoffs against the number two team, and prove that you are a better team on that day,” he said. “That’s why we live the lives that we live and work as hard as we do.”

After being on the road for two consecutive weeks, Maine will head home for its final home game Nov. 15 for a 3 p.m. match-up with Villanova.

For much of the first half both teams were deadlocked and unable to counter each other’s strong defenses. It wasn’t until the 36th minute of the half that the scoreboard would see any action. The first strike came from the Hawks when senior Hilde Bakke tallied her fourth goal of the season. After a Maine defender was called for a handball inside the box, the referees called for a penalty kick. Bakke fired a rocket that slipped by the grasp of Black Bear keeper Tanya Adorno and gave the Hawks the first advantage of the day. The first half finished with Hartford on top. Maine was able to outshoot the Hawks 5-3 for the half.

The opening frames of the second half would be all Black Bears as Maine’s offense was able to consistently apply pressure on the Hartford net. That ensuing pressure quickly led to the equalizing goal. Coming in the 51st minute of the game, Maine was able to get on the board after Katie Hodge recorded her seventh goal of the year. Hodge, who fired the shot from about 20 yards out saw her kick deflect off a defender and bounce into the right side of the net. The shot came inches from being saved as Hartford goaltender Heather Hinton was unable to adjust in time and watched as the ball grazed by her fingertips. On the play, Annie Hamel was able to notch her sixth assist on the season pushing her season point total to 16. Both teams would combat each other for the remaining minutes of the half forcing overtime. It was only the second time on the season that the Black Bears could not end a game in regulation. Maine’s only other overtime match of the season was a 1-0 win against Binghamton. The Black Bears were not as lucky this time.

In an intense overtime that saw both teams match each other play for play, the Hawks were able to garner a clutch score in the waning minutes of the first overtime period. The heart-breaking goal came off the cleats of Hartford senior Cindy Walsh. A Black Bear foul at midfield, created a Hartford free kick from about 40 yards out. Bakke was then able to place the ball into the box right on Walsh who directed the game-winner past Adorno. The Black Bears would finish the game with a 13-5 advantage in shots, including a commanding 6-0 advantage in the second half. Adorno fell to 9-3-1, while Hinton made three saves and moved to 4-9-2.

The tough loss moved the Black Bears to 10-3-1 on the season but, more importantly, saw the team drop to 4-2-1 in the conference. The defeat created a shift in America Standings moving the Black Bears out of a four-way tie for second place and into a tie for fourth place with New Hampshire. As for Hartford, the team levels off at 6-10-2 and 5-2-1 in conference. With the America East Conference Tournament only a week away, every match is crucial. Maine will hope a return to the home pitch will provide a different outcome from the past weekend’s affairs. The Black Bears are set to host Albany for a 2 p.m game at Alumni Field. A win in Maine’s last home game would give the team muchneeded momentum headed into the tournament.