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Both tears and laughter were in order at the University of Maine’s Maine Center for the Arts Friday afternoon. The auditorium was host to a memorial celebration for social psychology professor Dr. Michele Marie Alexander. About 200 people attended the event. They included family and friends from all over the country, students, faculty and colleagues who wished to pay their respects to a woman who was described as funny, sincere and real.
Alexander, 37, died in a car accident Dec. 16, 2003, in Glenburn. A Web site was set up in tribute to Alexander where her husband, Steve, included an essay about her last night at home and the accident.
The accident occurred as Alexander was on her way to bring her 11-month-old son, Camden, to UMaine’s Child Center with gingerbread cookies she had made the evening before for his child care teachers. Steve Alexander said that moments after his wife left their home, he received a phone call from her. He could not understand what he heard so he drove down the street. Steve Alexander wrote on the Web site that his wife was alive and unconscious when he got to her, and that her hands were in her lap angelically. He said she was not in pain, but appeared to be at peace.
“I put my arms around her and held her, and told her everything you would imagine I would – everything you want to say to her now. I held the love of my life for eternity,” Steve Alexander wrote.
At the memorial ceremony Friday, Steve Alexander played a CD he had made along with a slide show that included nine songs representing memories of his wife. The songs included “Seasons of Love” from the musical “Rent” performed by Stevie Wonder. A week after the Alexanders saw the musical, Michele Alexander was diagnosed with cancer, which she beat several months later. A song played at the couple’s wedding, “Suo Gam” by Chris Norman, was also played.
The slide show included photographs – old and recent – of Alexander and her family and friends. They were photos of a mother, a wife, a sister, a daughter, a colleague and a best friend.
A friend of the family, William Crano of Claremont, Calif., began the ceremony.
“Although we celebrate with heavy hearts, we do celebrate,” Crano said.
He read a note from Alexander’s husband, who sat in the front row with his son. The note read that the couple had discussed what each would want after they died. Alexander said she wanted a big party and celebration. He also wrote that the ceremony would have been something she would have wanted, despite that Michele Alexander would have been embarrassed from all the fuss.
UMaine’s Provost Robert Kennedy, a close colleague of Alexander, attended on behalf of the university.
“She was a rising star in every sense of the word,” Kennedy said. “Michele was the epitome of the perfect faculty member.”
Alexander served on several committees on campus. She was the adviser for Psi Chi, the psychology honor society.
“Students who knew her, and especially the ones influenced, will affect the future of psychology with a little of her in every laugh and assistance given,” James Clark, a fourth-year psychology major and president of Psi Chi, said in an interview.
“She was an inspiring woman who helped make Psi Chi what it is today,” Arianne Russell, a senior psychology major and secretary of Psi Chi, said in an interview.
Providing more than just psychology research to her students, Alexander was a friend. She enjoyed her students calling her by her first name. Alexander used candy as an incentive in class, and used a Freud puppet for some of her lectures.
A colleague of Alexander read several evaluations students had written in favor of her over the years. Several comments included that Michele was upbeat, enthusiastic, funny and caring. “She’s a keeper,” one comment read.
One student said Alexander was the kind of teacher who made students want to change their major. Two similar statements were made by students from Ohio State University, where Alexander used to teach, who attended the ceremony.
“Because of her I have found my niche in life,” Cindy Truex said.
Alexander also worked as a board member for four years for Spruce Run. She was described by several speakers as someone always willing to work harder and give more of herself.
“Michele was an excellent scholar,” said Wendy Wood, Alexander’s dissertation adviser at Texas A&M. “She was a researcher of the first caliber. She was great in passing on her love for the field.”
Alexander, originally from Dallas, Texas, attended Texas A&M, where she earned her B.S., M.S. and Ph.D. in social psychology. She taught at Ohio State University before coming to UMaine in 1999.
Her Texas roots never seemed to leave her, according to family members and friends. Her father, Bob Grossman of Dallas, Texas, approached the podium and said, “Howdy, ya’ll.” He said that was the way he thought his daughter would have wanted him to begin.
Grossman said Alexander was no stranger to tragedy in her life. As a young girl, she lost one of her eyes in an accident. She had meningitis twice before the age of nine.
“Michele was a tough, strong person,” Grossman said.
He told a story of an old 1949 Chevy he had given to Alexander as a young girl, and of her love of the car. He described a dream he had a couple weeks after his daughter’s death, in which he heard a voice say to him, “I’m going to take that old Chevy and drive it through the pearly gates.” He believed it was his daughter speaking to him.
“She would want to tell you, ‘It was heaven on earth while I was here with you,’” Grossman said.
Alexander’s happiness and love of life was portrayed through every word her loved ones spoke during the ceremony. Each shared tales of laughter, fun, goofiness and even crazy college days of “almost breaking laws.”
“With Michele there was never a moment that was trivial,” said Marnie Tomasello, Michele’s former roommate at Texas A&M. “There’s not a single memory I have of my times with Michele that didn’t involve laughter.”
A friend of the couple, Sonja Sundaram of Prospect Harbor, described how she met the couple when their wedding was held at her inn. A torrential rain came into town, and power and water were lost. Sundaram said that within moments of the wedding ceremony, the sun came out and the rain stopped “like magic.”
“It was really meant to be,” Sundaram said.
Sundaram spoke of how happy Alexander was to be a mother.
“Camden made her sparkle – and even brighter,” Sundaram said.
The ceremony concluded with everyone singing “Simple Gifts,” a Shaker melody. During the song, Steve and Camden joined their family and friends in celebration of a woman who many will never forget.
“The short time I knew Michele, I feel blessed to have interacted, laughed, worked and been influenced by her,” Clark said. “We are all blessed by her time.”
Bangor Daily News