Twitter
Facebook
Reddit
Digg
Tell us what you think!Send a letter to the editor about this or any other article in The Maine Campus.
The following is a satirical article that was published in the April Fool’s edition of the newspaper.
The Campus Activities Board held its first annual “Play Naked” Java Jive evening this past Tuesday at 8 p.m. in Memorial Union. The event, which drew more than 650 UMaine students to packed seating, was the best-attended event in CAB’s history.
“This is something we may look into a little further,” Java Jive chairman Sean Walsh said. “Quite honestly, some other CAB members and myself had been drinking and just shot this idea out as a joke, but it eventually came together. I’m quite proud of this program: The musicians got to perform and the spectators … well, they just got to watch.”
Java Jivers sang such cultural pop staples like “When I Think About You I Touch Myself,” Jimmy Buffet’s “Let’s Get Drunk And Screw,” and Right Said Fred’s “I’m Too Sexy.” The climax of the evening came when UMaine graduate, Jewel, took the stage to applause and some tears.
“I just thought her music was beautiful and her body was rockin’,” senior new media major, Michael Mathien said. “She’s got some good finger work and I’d love to rock out with her sometime if her axe could take the abuse.”
“Play Naked” did not just serve to please the men in the crowd though. In an unannounced and unrehearsed performance, John Mayer took the stage shortly after Jewel and busted out at least four new songs that had women and men alike busting at the seams. His set included fan favorites like “Bigger Than My Body” and “Comfortable.” His evening at “Play Naked” ended with an unprecedented 13-minute version of “Your Body Is A Wonderland,” getting event organizers and music fans moving.
“I used to hate the song but just seeing John Mayer out there in his birthday suit singing like he’s whispering … it really moved me,” said sophomore new media major and Maine Campus music critic, Aerin Raymond.
“Play Naked” attendees were not done when Mayer left the stage. Marshall Dury, a senior English major and self-proclaimed savior of rock ‘n’ roll, took the stage to end CAB’s evening of bare-back playing. His set spanned several musical genres, playing Smashing Pumpkins’ “Cherub Rock,” U2′s “Stay [Far Away, So Close]” and Pearl Jam’s “Alive.”
“It was a tough show, and really hard to concentrate. I’ve never had so many women throw themselves at me at once,” said Dury. “I was pretty nervous about getting up on stage but when I saw how small Mayer’s equipment was, I wasn’t too concerned.”
Dury ended the evening with a slowed-down version of Metallica’s “Master Of Puppets,” which had people passing out and speaking in tongues due to the song’s sonic glory.
CAB organizers are already planning next year’s “Play Naked” Java Jive in hopes of strengthening campus music events. CAB has officially stated that the event was a success and is looking in to coordinating with this year’s Bumstock Committee to get half of this year’s musicians to perform naked.
“CAB’s program inspired me. They put on a great show to the eyes and ears,” Bumstock director Erin Smith said. “This is a testament to what a couple event organizers – a few beers deep – can come up with for the student population.”
Bangor Daily News