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The following is a satirical article that was published in the April Fool’s edition of the newspaper.
Those who may wonder where pop/rock superstar Sting has disappeared to over the past five years, need not look any longer. Sting has been laying low at the University of Maine, assuming the identity of men’s hockey coach, Tim Whitehead.
Sting has once again led the Black Bears to another showing at the NCAA Frozen Four, proving his desire to leave the role of pop icon behind and concentrate on his second love – coaching.
“I needed a little break from the whole music thing,” Sting said. “After ‘Desert Rose’ things just never picked up again.”
Sting put the brakes on his music career back in 2001 to come to UMaine and take the reins for the men’s hockey program. Sting and Whitehead are actually long-lost twin brothers and have decided to switch identities and live each others lives. Since coaching at UMaine Sting has earned himself several nods for the Hockey East Coach of the Year and the American Hockey Coaches Association Spencer Penrose Award as the National Coach of the Year in 2002. Sting is up for the Penrose Award again this year, but says he doesn’t think his iconic status as a rock star will help to sway the judges.
“I try to put hockey first these days,” he said. “They won’t even let me sing the National Anthem at the games. They think it may sway the votes or something.”
“If he was really Sting, I think I would know,” said Bumstock director Erin Smith. “I know everthing about music.”
Despite some skepticism, people close to Coach Sting see both his musical and coaching genious.
“He’s a great candidate [for the award],” said Assistant Coach Grant Standbrook. “You don’t even realize he’s this big star when he’s on the bench coaching.”
Members of the team have also rallied in support of their coach, saying they’re both surprised and pleased with Sting’s success on the bench at UMaine.
“We were a little nervous about a musician coming to Maine to coach,” said sophomore Ben Murphy. “He’s done a pretty decent job though. We hope he decides to stick around for a while.”
And stick around is exactly what he wants to do. Sting says assuming the identity of Whitehead was one of the best career moves he’s ever made.
“A few more of those Hockey East trophies would look really good with all those Grammy Awards in my case,” he said. “As long as [the team] keeps winning, I think I’d like to stay here.”
