The University of Maine student newspaper since 1875
Sunday, April 19, 11:08 p.m.
Style & Culture Where reality as we know it is a lie

Finding nut cases on the Internet is easier than finding NASCAR bumper stickers in a Wal-Mart parking lot. Well, watch out, loyal reader, because a Class A specimen can be found at The Webmaster, self-proclaimed “wisest man on earth” Gene Ray, has run this den of insanity for seven years and counting. The layout is almost as bad as the Falcons Nest ( There is no home page or individual sections in Timecube. You just have to scroll down one long page into the spiraling madness at the bottom.

The premise of the Web page is to inform the masses that the universe as we know it is a lie. Ray has various graphs that show that each day is really four separate days occurring simultaneously. He assures you that the day is naturally divided into four parts, sunup, midday, sundown and midnight. He is very sure of this. A few years ago he was equally zealous that the day is divided differently into four parts. The Web site used to speak of morning, early afternoon, late afternoon and evening. It appears that Ray is a man of science after all and exchanged his crazy, ironclad view for a similar crazy view.

The entire Web page is written without grammatical editing. Between countless examples of Ray calling you stupid and “educated evil” youll find little gems like, “The academia created 1 day greenwich time is bastardly queer and dooms future youth and nature to a hell.”

There is a lot of resentment for Greenwich central time in his Web page. Ray makes it out to be an international conspiracy. After all, when it’s noon in England, why should it be night elsewhere on the same day? This seems to confuse our dear webmaster, so he made up an obviously fake letter in broken English about a teacher confessing to sign an affidavit stating that she would “uphold the Greenwich myth until death.” For the record, the last quote was originally typed with the Caps Lock feature on.

If you continue to scroll down the endless page, you’ll notice subtle little racist ideologies. It builds and builds, until finally he explodes with “Integration is a racial slop, destroying all of the races.”

At one point, Ray promises a thousand dollar reward to anyone who can prove that the earth is not a four-sided sphere. This sounds like an easy task. Unfortunately, to win you also need to convince him that his theory is bonkers. That would require an answer spoken in his brand of spaceman logic. Even if you could pull that off with the rising costs of Web space and tinfoil helmets, Ray is probably broke.

The page is not to be taken lightly. If you read Ray for too long you will experience physical pain from the onslaught of lunacy. Do not try to make sense of the illogical flow of bad science and conspiracy theorem or you may experience the pain of death fourfold.