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There I was, sitting at my computer, bored out of my mind, wondering how to eat up the rest of the hours in the day. It’s not like I could go for a bike ride or outside at all; someone upstairs decided snow in the middle of April would be cute. So I sat, not wanting to do anything, but wanting something new and exciting at the same time. AOL Instant Messenger, probably the only time I’ll be able to say this, came through. The little blinking window popped up:
BaReFootHipPiE: Dude, check out this site – http://maddox.xmission.com.
So I did. Maddox.Xmission, or “The Best Page in the Universe,” has got to be the most narrow-minded and opinionated page the Internet’s got to offer. There are about 20 categories listed down the page into which Maddox, the Webmaster, absolutely rips. He is a critic with Doberman-like intensity, ripping and tearing until not a shred of dignity remains. From lesbians and abortion to Dave Chappelle, Maddox takes no prisoners. A brave few have taken a stand against their brutally effective and humorous critic, only to be torn down and put on display for his fans which he titles his “Hate Mail.”
The “Hate Mail” section covers every letter that’s sent by readers who find Maddox offensive. The letters range from “Maddox, you suck” to long, heartfelt tearjerkers that implore him to stop. All letters are treated mercilessly. Holes are found in every argument. Maddox capitalizes on these holes and rips them out at their foundation, making the authors of the letters look like fools.
Maddox does all this with a pitiless, but hilarious tone. His “I rule, you suck” theme that dominates the entire site provides laugh after laugh. Perhaps the best section, “I am better than your kids,” displays various artworks by kids that are critiqued and graded by Maddox. I know, it sounds bad. But there’s something about seeing a scribbled, cute little drawing in crayons being utterly ripped apart. The best display was a set of Easter eggs painted by an 8-year-old boy named Bryce.
“This one wouldn’t be too bad if the color were kept inside the lines, you picked a new perspective, used non-abrasive colors and asked someone with talent to paint it for you,” Maddox writes. “On one hand I want to give an ‘A’ for effort but … F.”
I can just imagine the kid getting his painting back from the teacher with the above scrawled across the top in a big red marker, and to me, that’s humor baby.
The site, to some, must be offensive. Some may question the First Amendment, and why it protects such publications. But, give it a chance, I urge you. I’m sure this Maddox fellow doesn’t mean half of what he says; he just knows how to put a twist into whatever topic he wishes to get a few laughs. And hey, if he really is a child-hating bigot, at least he’s a funny one.
Bangor Daily News