Note: This game does not endorse binge or underage drinking, but college does.

OK, to begin, you’ll need beer. Specifically, a lot of beer. If you want to roleplay without embarrassing marks and regret, you can buy the beer that correlates with your political party. For Republicans and conservatives, I suggest Budweiser or Coors – Budweiser for their staunch and unwavering support for NASCAR and free-market capitalism and Coors for their pro-gay discrimination employment standards. On the other side, I would suggest Miller or Pabst. Miller and Pabst are both union-friendly companies, and they’re both blue. Pabst also won an award in 1897 or something like that, way before taste buds were invented. Without further delay, here are the rules:

� If Bush mentions Iraq and “freedom,” “liberty” or “democracy” in the same sentence, quickly take cover . and then a drink.

� If Bush says “my critics” and you are one, take a drink because you’re hurting America.

� If Bush mispronounces a word or makes a grammatical error, take a drink. Bonus: Three drinks for English majors, two for minors. By the end, you should be able to catch these mistakes.

� Whenever there is a standing ovation, everyone stands up and starts a waterfall. Alternatively, you can start drinking when the ovation starts and stop drinking when people take their seats again.

� If you have enough people, divide the room in half or 54-45 to be more realistic. Half of the room is assigned “Republican,” the 54, and the other half “Democrat,” the 45. When the camera cuts to a Republican, the Republican side drinks and vice versa for the Democrats. If it shows Jim Jeffords on television, any independent voters finish their beer regardless of what they were assigned.

� If Bush says “the economy is strong,” “jobs have increased” or “there are more jobs,” look at your wallet or purse and cry. Then drink.

� If Bush mentions Osama Bin Laden, you must be watching an old video of him. He hasn’t talked about that guy for about two years now.

� If the camera cuts to Mike Brown, submerge yourself in the nearest body of water. Someone will come and help you in a week and a half. Or drown yourself in the nearest body of alcohol. Drink until another rule occurs, because they’re not going to show him.

� If the camera cuts to John Kerry, cry. Then drink. This only applies if you voted for him.

� If the camera cuts to Karl Rove, out a CIA agent. If you don’t know a CIA agent – or do you? – take a drink.

� If the camera cuts to Laura, Dick, Condi or Alberto talking to somebody else while the president is still talking, drink twice.

� If Bush smirks, you better believe that’s a drink.

� If Bush makes a joke, take a drink. Three if you laugh.

� If Bush mentions Iran with the words “nuclear program,” hesitantly take a drink. Most likely, this will trigger the rule about mispronounciations.

� If Bush mentions God or quotes the Bible, take a drink. Does not apply to atheists.

� If Bush talks about Mars again or clears brush on stage, finish your beer.

So there you have it, the rules of engagement. If these rules don’t fit your liking, check out some other sets online, like at http://www.drink inggames.us, http://www.workink forchange.com or http://www.alter net.org/. And feel free to search for another one but only use Google, because all the other ones will get you tracked by the government.

Seamus McGrath is a lobbyist for the National Good Times Social Club.

I decided to take a night off from basketball and the NHL and ended up making a mistake – I caught an episode of “7th Heaven.”

This episode, which I had heard people talk about, dealt with a race riot that started at school. Besides having this riot affect the school, apparently it was supposed to shake the community, only to have the problem solved in an hour. If only it was that easy in real life.

As I sat there wondering why I was watching this, there was an African-American student pleading his case for why he should write his history report on Martin Luther King Jr. His teacher told him to choose another subject because Martin Luther King Day had already passed. Once the possibility of suspension was brought up, a friend of the child, who he played baseball with, told him, “Don’t get suspended. Baseball is more important than Martin Luther King.”

Yeah, read that one more time.

Although the statement was later re-worded, did anyone in that writer’s meeting really think about what was being said? Don’t worry, it gets better.

Because that statement was made, the teacher changed the assignment so the class would have to do their projects on a historical black figure. Once this got to the students of the class, they got upset because they had to re-do an assignment. The scapegoat was not the student who wanted to do the paper on King, but his friend who made the baseball statement.

What is the best way to respond to someone who brings about a change that causes people to learn about another culture? It’s easy: Just write a slur on his car about loving a certain group of people whose name I am not going to repeat.

Now that this child had this statement on his car, he decided to drive around town, hoping that whomever wrote it would clean it. In the end, how did this problem of racism and a dirty car get solved? With a car wash.

Who would have thought that a car wash would solve the problem? Well, apparently the people at the WB did.

The last time I checked, if a community, fictional or real, was going through a problem dealing with race, they did not have a car wash to figure things out. What scares me most is not that I watched an entire episode of “7th Heaven,” but all humor aside, it was the message they spread. From what I got, it was that racism is a problem that can be solved in the amount of time it takes to make dinner.

It’s amazing to look at how far we have come as a society, but when shows like this do a poor job in addressing the issue, it really makes you wonder how far we have digressed as well.

Maybe I am caring about this more than I should. I do understand that shows like this are about family programming and entertainment value. With that said, I would hope that this is an issue every family discusses. Having a bias extends past race. It goes into gender, physical make-up and anything, for that matter.

I just hope that, for our benefit, the next time a TV show focuses on a problem like this, it will take more than just soap and water to wash it away.

Ryan Clark is a senior journalism major with a minor in film.

The new and improved Bear’s Den is a wonderful asset to the UMaine community, welcoming all students until 3:59 p.m. At 4 p.m., however, the iron curtain comes down, turning away any student who wishes to bring Marketplace food into the confines of the bar.

Since Marketplace food is not allowed in the room and alcohol cannot be taken outside of it, students cannot enjoy the benefits of The Maine Marketplace and the Bear’s Den at the same time. This hurts sales in both areas. When the pub worries about the lack of revenue it generates on a nightly basis, don’t say we didn’t tell you.

If the bar is that stuck-up about its menu, it needs to take a long, hard look at what the average college student wants, like a pepperoni pizza and a beer. Until then, for food and spirits, there’s always Pat’s and Margarita’s.

Watch and make up your own mind

At 9 p.m. Tuesday, numerous media outlets will broadcast President Bush’s State of the Union address. “Big deal,” some students might facetiously say. In actuality, the speech is a big deal.

A general lack of knowledge of current events throughout the college-age population is apparent. Being out of touch with the world is detrimental to the academic and social development of students.

On Nov. 1, longtime CBS Evening News anchorman Dan Rather spoke to the University of Maine, addressing students’ ignorance regarding political issues. As a student, you are obliged to educate yourself. Whether it’s tuning into the History Channel on occasion or watching a presidential address, small steps can translate into bounds in cultivating your intellect.

Essentially, it is up to you to find the truth. Seek it out. Watch the news. Read the newspaper. Browse a Web page. The value of knowledge is truly priceless.

The film opens with Malcolm Turner (Martin Lawrence) giving up his fieldwork position for a desk job, opting to raise a family. When his mentor is killed, he requests to investigate it, but is told to stay away from the case. He then realizes that, although he was told he couldn’t investigate the murder, nobody said Big Momma couldn’t.

Big Momma takes a position as a nanny with the family whose father is suspected of being involved with the murder. The family consists of a rebellious goth-girl named Molly, a failing cheerleader, Carrie, and the youngest Andrew, who can’t speak. To top it off, the parents never have time to be with their kids.

Could Big Momma help the family realize what’s important while the family, in turn, helps Malcolm Turner realize what it takes to raise a family? Maybe they’ll both learn something during the film. What a crazy concept.

“Big Momma’s House 2″ is a lot like any other “family” movie, in the same genre as the legendary Sinbad’s legendary “Houseguest” or Vin Diesel’s epic, “The Pacifier.” These movies are fine for children under the age of 12, but for everyone else, they’re downright brutal.

The movie’s jokes rely solely on its character, Big Momma. It assumes that the audience thinks Big Momma is funny. She dances, does karate moves and says, “When is it time to watch Dr. Phil and drink a 40?” That’s pretty much the entire movie. It’s about as humorous as Eugene Levy and Samuel L. Jackson in “The Man.”

Now, if you saw and enjoyed “The Man,” this is probably your type of movie. But for those who missed “The Man,” you’re going to want to reconsider buying a ticket to “Big Momma’s House 2.” Unfortunately, some of us had to learn the hard way.

Truth be told, this is not where we, as loyal film fans, want to see Martin Lawrence. We want to see him blowing stuff up with Will Smith, or making movies like “Blue Streak” with Les Mayfield. And speaking of Martin Lawrence’s career, whatever happened to the good old days of his show “Martin”? Now there’s a show, but this whole Big Momma thing? It’s just not working.

The original “Big Momma’s House” wasn’t funny, but successful. Shame on them. The second time around, surprise, isn’t funny. Shame on us. This, on the surface, appeared to be another unwanted sequel. Apparently that’s not the case, because “Big Momma’s House 2″ opened surprisingly well at the box office.

At least “Big Momma’s House 2″ isn’t so bad it’s depressing unless you count the embarrassment of having people see you walk out of a theater marked “Big Momma’s House 2.

Although much of the choreography of the Trinity Irish Dance Company may have been based on traditional Celtic and Irish dance, it was the troupe’s take on modern dance and song that surprised many.

Of the group’s 11 routines, the one that stuck out the most was “Curran Event.” Besides the play on words, it was also a play on mixing traditional Irish dance with some post-modern choreography. Some of the choreography was so modern that it involved the slapping of shoes and legs, similar to one would see in some sororities and fraternities in the South.

Throughout much of the show, the dancers mainly wore traditional Irish clothes, but in this routine, they decided to change it up. In addition to the plaid skirts that maintained the Irish theme, they wore black tops, and some of them wore bandanas and backwards hats to give the crowd an idea of a modern flare.

As the routine began, one dancer started with the traditional style of dance and transformed it into a mix of modern tap and jazz dancing. Once the dancer set the stage for what was to come, the rest of the troupe came out and joined her. Not only did the increase of tempo excite the crowd, but it also found its way into the dancer’s legs as their movement also increased.

The routine ended with the original dancer doing a jig and yelling “Yeah!” at the crowd.

Before their take on modern dance intermingled with traditional Irish dance, the group opened the show in an odd formation as they were intertwined. The setting provided a smoky atmosphere as the brown costumes with the camouflage face paint signaled the dawning of time.

When the dancers were out of the formation, a booming Irish voice was explaining the story of the Trinity Dance. As the dancers performed, they used a more ballet approach instead of tap to tell the story.

Once the dancers were finished, a drummer from the band that told the story came on stage and played for about three minutes. After his solo, the drummer walked across stage to join the band, comprised of Barret Harvey, Christopher Layer and Brendan O’Shea. Before performing, one of the members told the crowd a story concerning Irish love songs.

“There are three types of Irish love songs – the one about the long, lost love, the one about our relationship with liquor and the one we are about to perform right now about a hollow moon.”

As the band broke into song, the Irish feeling persisted with the group’s use of a high-pitched flute. The flute combined with an acoustic guitar and drums that mellowed the crowd before the troupe continued the rest of the show.

Not only did they find a way to mix different styles of dance, but they also found a way to keep the crowd into the show with these changes. Although the point could be made that dancing around a timeline can be confusing, that point can be crushed with the clapping hands of an audience.

Pyle describes his show as “Loud, unusual and fun.” He plays artists like Mr. Bungle, Wesley Willis and the Dead Milkmen.

“[I play music that's] a little bit different, a little bit spazzy or funny. Some of it tests your patience, and we like to call it noise-core. Sometimes it kind of grabs you, and you’re not expecting it,” Pyle said.

When deciding what to play on his show, Pyle does try to keep it restrictive, and he doesn’t play all the music he likes. He said that he has a very diverse music palette, and if he were to play all the types of music he likes, it would be all over the board and confuse listeners.

“I didn’t want to do a show where I just played whatever came to me. I wanted to do a show that had some sort of theme or guidelines,” Pyle said.

Pyle got his start as a DJ in May 2004. He was somewhat familiar with being a DJ before “Life on Mars” host Emily Burnham helped him get started at the station and learned the ropes from a few friends who were also DJs at WMEB.

While he has few anecdotes or funny stories about his time working at the station, he does remember his most memorable and unusual request.

“My most unusual request was probably for KISS,” he said. While Pyle does not play much music that the KISS Army would find appealing, he does realize that people do like a wide range of music and the variety played on WMEB. “We get everything here, because that’s what people listen to. Some people play Led Zeppelin and Eric Clapton, and whatever they want to do, and that’s what people expect.”

Pyle’s play list for the show is generally picked out the night before he goes on the air. He usually picks music that is interesting from either his CD collection or from the WMEB bin that he thinks would fit his show. “It has helped me get to know my CD collection,” Pyle said of DJing.

Pyle is a graduate from the University of Maine with a degree in art history. He currently works at the Museum of Art in downtown Bangor next to Bagel Central. His show, “Lookout Below” is on 8-10 p..m. every Wednesday.

Of course there are the area rental stores, like Movie Gallery and Blockbuster, but they cost money. Also, their offerings aren’t very expansive. I once tried to rent the classic “Raging Bull,” starring Robert DeNiro and directed by Martin Scorsese, at a local rental place, and the sales associate had never even heard of it. I did notice they carried the entire Mary Kate and Ashley collection, though.

Netflix and other DVD mailing companies do offer a diverse selection; however, I oftentimes found that I’d be in the mood for a romantic comedy but was stuck with two existential indie flicks and an historical epic. That was so frustrating and, for $17 a month, not really worth it.

The answer is for me was Old Town Public Library. They have “Sex and the City” seasons one through six. They have classics like “Gone with the Wind” and relatively new releases like the action movie – and home-wrecker inducing – “Mr. and Mrs. Smith.” If you’re seeking more cerebral items, the OTPL collection also includes “Hotel Rwanda” along with other dramas and various documentaries, including “Fahrenheit 9/11.”

In addition to the DVD and video collection, the OTPL has other aspects of which to boast. The facility itself is very bright and comfortable. There are several nooks where a patron can sit down in a comfy chair and read a book or one of the wide range of periodicals available. The library staff is always very helpful and friendly, as well. The most appealing feature of the OTPL is, of course, that it’s free. You can borrow books for two weeks and DVDs and videos for up to a week and not pay for anything. No rental place can contend with that.

Old Town, Milford and Bangor residents can become members of the OTPL for free. Non-residents can join for a $30 annual fee. For more information and to browse the collection, go to http://www.old town.lib.me.us/.

What exactly is a global simulation workshop? No one in attendance really knew – and that was precisely the point. When each player showed up at the gym, he or she was handed a small brown envelope and the instructions to not open it until informed otherwise . Attendees walking into the gym found it rather bare, save for a semi-circle of labeled chairs facing a widescreen TV.

When it looked like the crowd had arrived, the workshop leader, Dawn Jacob, gave a brief introduction to the impending adventure.

“The Global Simulation Workshop is a direct descendent of Buckminster Fuller’s World Game, and 375,000 people have played this game before,” Jacob described. The overhead video claimed that there were only three rules to this game: Stay on your own team; take time to read everything you’re given; and that confusion is OK.

Confusion was, indeed, unavoidable during the first part of simulation. After these ambiguous directions were delivered, Jacob told the attendees to open their envelopes, which contained their team assignments for the game. Each player assembled in front of his or her designated chair and rummaged through the plastic bags on the seat for the group’s specific instructions. Most players were assigned to the team of a country or a region, while others were in teams that represented international corporations or organizations.

Essentially, the game required teams to interact and negotiate like real global agents, stressing the importance of accumulating wealth and establishing positive trade relationships. Each team started out at a realistic, contemporary level of power; that is, North America, Europe and Japan were superpowers, and the Middle East, Africa and India had low levels of infrastructure. The game consisted of three rounds of trading in currency of money chips and resource cards. Each round held the equivalent of a very condensed decade, interrupted only by an attendee acting as a reporter and the aforementioned world crisis. Three attendees made up the almighty Global Foundation, which served as a world bank and regulated the progress of each team’s advancement.

During the first round, attendees milled about, unsure of how to proceed because of the open-ended structure of the game. Teams gradually developed their own methods for advancement and sought out other teams with which to trade. Because of the nature of the teams, strategies varied from group to group. Attendee Pat Shaw of the Japan team said, “It was confusing at first, but it’s been getting easier. It’s hard, though, because [Japan] has so much to work with, but a lot of the other teams don’t have a lot to give back.”

The game’s emphasis clearly leaned toward the practical and financial side of life, but art did play a small role. Each team was encouraged to have a creative outlet via its culture specialist. One team, India, constructed a “castle” out of water bottles, blue tape and paper for bonus culture points.

Although student Jeff Hake enjoyed the workshop, he said, “[The game] is cool, but it’s somewhat narrow-minded. The whole world isn’t just an economy.”

After each round, the game paused for the “World Span News reporter” to give a synopsis of certain team’s advancements. Each news segment about the past “decade” featured some form of an attendee interview, or at least an amusing piece of entertainment. The Russian team acted out a movie trailer about Rasputin’s revival with an intense mock voice-over: “You thought you were safe. You thought he was dead.” On a more serious note, the North American and human rights teams collaborated to present a song, which was an actual native chant which had been contributed to the game by Aroostook Micmac Nation tribesman George Paul.

The highlight of the program was the world crisis. Between rounds two and three, Jacob announced that there would be certain world disaster if the teams did not donate enough monetary support. The teams only had five minutes to deliberate how much they were willing to sacrifice with no other guidelines than the suggested amount: “a lot.”

Jacob and the Global Foundation tallied the results for the crisis and did not reveal its outcome until the end of the third and final round.

“You needed to raise 175 points to avoid the crisis . and you raised exactly 175 points,” Jacob announced after the conclusion of the game. She then opened up the floor for a discussion amongst the participants about their thoughts and reactions to the game.

“I think that we acted differently from the real leaders of world corporations, who are more set on the bottom line. This wasn’t a perfect representation of what’s going on in the world,” said player Paujo Bornstein.

Jacob responded by saying that in her experience with the simulation, which had been set up not only in educational facilities but business corporations, some of the professionals had behaved quite differently. “They tend to be more role-conscious and are apprehensive about jumping into a role-playing game.”

So if this global simulation was a game, then who won? Jacob said that it was up in the air for the participants to think about, as no clear-cut goals or objectives were set up in the beginning. The crisis was avoided and nearly every region advanced at least one level, but how does one measure success? It’s impossible to say, and it’s most likely going to stay that way. Success is up to the individual, and if the attendee enjoyed it and learned something from it, then the game was a success.

“It was fun, I’d do it again. Although, I think I’d want to be something different,” said Paul Goodman, who represented the North America team. Maybe in thirty years, he’ll have the chance to do it again.

Java Jive: John Rush

8 p.m.

Tuesday, Jan. 31

Main Dining Room, Memorial Union

The Frequency

8 p.m.

Wednesday, Feb. 1

Main Dining Room,

Memorial Union

Mark O’Connor’s Hot

Swing

7 p.m.

Thursday, Feb. 2

Maine Center for the Arts

U-God from the Wu-Tang Clan

8 p.m.

Friday, Feb. 3

Ushuaia

$10

ART

The works of photographer Michael Alpert, sculptor Laura Fernstock and five landscape paintings

9 a.m. – 5 p.m.

through April 8

University of Maine Museum of Art

Norumbega Hall, Bangor

$5; Free with MaineCard

ENTERTAINMENT

Games Night

8 p.m.

Monday, Jan. 31

Main Dining Room

Memorial Union

Superbowl Party

Sunday, Feb. 5

Ushuaia

COMEDY

The Maine Attraction

9 p.m.

Friday, Feb. 3

Main Dining Room

Memorial Union

MOVIES

“Saw II”

7:30 p.m. and 10 p.m.

Wednesday, Feb. 1

100 DPC

Friday, Feb. 3

Bangor Room

“Scared Sacred”

7 p.m.

Tuesday, Jan. 31

100 Neville Hall

MPAC Film “Sir, No Sir”

7 p.m.

Thursday, Feb. 2

140 Little Hall

BARS

35 cent wings and $2 Bud Light Pints

Mondays

Finger Rock at Ushuaia

Open Mic Night

9 p.m. – 11 p.m.

Wednesdays

Soma 36

Karaoke

4 p.m. – midnight

Thursdays

Staar Club

If you would like an event posted on the go! calendar, please contact Pattie Barry on FirstClass.

Unfortunately, things never worked out that way. I spent New Years Eve 2000 much the same way the rest of Western civilization did – dead drunk, screaming things like “WOOOOO!” at the top of my lungs. I’m never so much the frat boy as I am on New Year’s Eve. New Year’s Eve 2005 or is it 2006? It was still technically 2005, but turning 2006. Which is it? Talk amongst yourselves was much the same. I spent it, and the rest of the winter break, in the Washington area, dead drunk, sleeping until noon and, yes, screaming things like “WOOOOO!”

Interesting side note: If you’re ever looking to see how fast you can get kicked out of Chili’s, that’s a good way to do it.

Other than the fact that it would be the first place to get nuked should the world come to an end, D.C. is a great place to spend the holidays. Why, there are museums, memorials, landmarks, and . ummm . plenty of large, stone buildings that contain interesting things or pay tribute to important dead people. Options aplenty, I say. WOOOOO!

Despite having spent a good chunk of my life living within a reasonable distance from all these giant, important things, I never managed to find my way into many of them. The memorials are easy enough to visit, but everything else a) looks dreadfully boring from the outside, and b) smells like your grandmother’s house. You know the smell – old people and mold. It’s to be expected, really, but it’s there, and you can’t get away from it.

My girlfriend and I decided to brave the scent of age over the holidays and wander into the bowels of a few of these places and while they did, in fact, smell of old people and mold, there were many wonders to behold.

The National Gallery – Home to all the good art in the nation not on display in New York or my parent’s basement, the National Gallery struck me as one thing above all others – ungodly hot. I’m not really sure if they do this intentionally, but it was, in my educated guess, about 8 billion degrees throughout the entire building. You could actually see the paint starting to run off some of the newer pictures, and by “newer” I mean those that were painted after the Revolutionary War. I was very impressed to see Van Gogh’s self portrait and slightly less impressed to see a million other paintings, sculptures, and tapestries by people I’ve never heard of. Perhaps this says something about my working knowledge of the art world, but I’m a bigger fan of the theory that says these other folks were not good enough to be features on the complimentary pocket calendar my insurance company gave me and are thus not worth knowing. Everything I know about art I learned from State Farm.

There was one piece I will never be able to forget, however. After contemplating it for a good long while, marveling at the amazing intricacy of its work and impressive skill of its creator, I was truly amazed that man could create a thing of such beauty. Then a security guard informed me that it was a drinking fountain and there were, in fact, people waiting behind me to use it.

The Smithsonian American History Museum- The smell of old and dank hits you in the face like a wet towel as soon as you walk into any of the exhibits. The only reason it even takes that long, though, is the genuine Subway restaurant exhibit right in the main lobby. It’s really quite authentic. So authentic that you can even buy a sandwich with Sun Chips for under five bucks! I was really surprised at how realistically the good people of the Smithsonian were able to capture this little slice of Americana and how faithfully they’d managed to recreate it, right down to tiny details like the ice dispenser not working.

Then the counter girl informed me that it was an ACTUAL Subway and that they’d been there since 1997.

Oh.

The entire place is quite interesting, at least judging by what I could see from behind the large crowds of foreign tourists standing in front of every single exhibit. Part of me wanted to say, “Hey, I’m an American, I have more right to view this genuine American history than you do,” and then shove them out of the way. Common sense prevailed, however, when I realized two things: First, they probably understood as much English as I understand Japanese, Spanish, French, and what I can only assume was Martian. Secondly, although the meaning of my spoken message would be lost to language barriers, the international meaning of the full-body check into the glass would definitely get its point across and there were a lot more of them than there were of me. I decided to be a good host and let them take their time viewing all the exhibits; instead of being rude, I opted simply to make faces at them when they weren’t looking. Then, through a complicated round of charades, I was able to convince an elderly German couple that the water fountain at the National Gallery was actually an authentic Rembrandt. U.S.A.! U.S.A.!