Opinion

Dealing with a crippling addiction

Socially-accepted dependency is too tough to kick

By Sean Hladick

Posted on Feb. 20, 2006, at 12:00 a.m.

It’s been nearly three hours since I got my last fix. I’m getting cold and nervous. What’s happening to me? I can’t keep living like this; it’s slowly consuming me, taking over my life. This week will be a good week though. Sixty-five times may sound like too much, but in all honesty, there is no such thing as too much “Law & Order.”

“Law & Order” is the equivalent of visual heroin. I catch myself watching one episode, just passing the time. Then I happen to see the beginning of the next episode. Well, I can’t leave now; I have to know how it ends. I’m not fooling myself, either; I’m addicted, no question about it. I watch them all, whether it’s the original “Law & Order,” “Law & Order: Special Victims Unit,” or even the undisputedly worst of the three, “Law & Order: Criminal Intent.”

I’m not alone, either; I know others face this problem too. I have friends who come into my room and see me in a “Law & Order: Coma.” They cringe and tell me they will have to come back later, saying if they stay, they might as well throw the whole day away; there is no escaping it once you start.

So what is it about this show that grips me so? Is it the ageless executive assistant D.A., Jack McCoy? When I say ageless I mean it a little differently than usual. Sam Waterston has looked 65 for the past 11 years and as of last November, became 65 years old. Could it be SVU’s aggressive and emotional Detective Stabler? Perhaps it is the mind game master from “CI,” Detective Goren, who still can’t shake his role from “Men in Black.” Oh Edgar you crazy redneck-turned-evil-alien-scum. Or maybe I just live for the wisecrack king Detective Briscoe. In my opinion, it’s all of these and more. Each episode finds a way to amaze you with plot twists, horrific crimes and loveable characters. Plus, it doesn’t hurt that Jack McCoy always manages to have a beautiful woman as his assistant D.A., most recently the gorgeous blonde, Serena Southerlyn.

I think when we get right down to it, everyone knows why we watch: It’s “the noise.” My friends have dubbed it “the noise,” because no matter where you are, if you hear it, you know “Law & Order” isn’t far away. It’s best written as, “Dun Dun!” but other acceptable versions are “Dnn Dnn!” or “Den Den!” I crave that noise. That’s when you know you’re getting to the good stuff, something big is about to be discovered in wherever this new location may be. Without “the noise,” I wouldn’t make it through the day.

They say admitting you have a problem is the first step, but from here going cold turkey isn’t an option. I’m trying to cut back, honest. Just two episodes on weekdays, maybe three on weekends. But come to think of it, I did hear something about a marathon coming soon. “Dun Dun!”

Sean Hladick is currently being prosecuted by Jack McCoy for embezzling from The Maine Campus.

This entry was posted on Monday, February 20th, 2006, 12:00 am. You can follow any responses to this article through the RSS feed.