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I noticed something startling the other night. I had just attended a meeting of the student philosophical discussion group, and we had retired to executive session and gone to the bar. After the third round, we all suddenly and unanimously realized that most people don’t give two halves of a rat’s fanny about philosophy. This saddened us all immensely. Fortune smiled on us, however, as we were already in executive session over at the bar, and were in a good position to eradicate our unhappiness with copious amounts of alcohol.
Alas, upon becoming sober, I was once again greeted by the sad realization that few people care about philosophy. This is awful because philosophy is quite possibly the neatest thing since Kool-Aid, and not that craptastic orange Kool-Aid, either; the red kind that everybody liked. Philosophy has become a sort of aberration, a recluse, like Michael Jackson only without the reconstructive surgery and unhealthy attachment to children. An outcast, as it were, from respectable academia. Few people pursue philosophy anymore, as more and more people get sucked into the black hole of science, business administration and technological studies. And so, with heavy hearts, my philosophically minded friends and I marched ourselves out into the field of battle to do the honorable thing and end our lives as failures and outcasts, when inspiration struck. Instead of preserving my family’s honor by killing myself in samurai tradition, I could just embark on a long, arduous campaign to make philosophy cool again. Like it was back when men wore dresses and talked philosophy on the streets of Athens. Back when Socrates, verily the Fonzie of his day, was walking the streets, bringing philosophy to the people.
The goal here is simple: to erase a common misconception from the minds of the impressionable youth, by which I mean you, gentle college student. And what, you may ask, is this common misconception?
There is a subversive teaching, most commonly espoused by parents and relatives, that philosophy is useless. Sad to report, I have too often felt the sting of shame as my family mocks my choice of major. “What on earth will you do with a philosophy degree,” they cry. Endlessly they mock me. “There’s only one thing you need to know how to say with a philosophy degree . do you want fries with that?” But don’t listen to them, impressionable college student! They tell vicious lies. They lie like the president. Worse, even, than the president; they lie like the secretary of defense.
The truth of the matter is that philosophy is one of the most useful things there is. Everyone should know a little bit of philosophy, because it constitutes the basis of almost everything else you know. Furthermore, certain fields of philosophy are instrumental to almost any other career. Take logic, for example. If you know even a little bit of logic, you can argue circles around other, lesser people who haven’t mastered the centuries-old technique of confusing your opponent into saying something internally contradictory and then devastatingly showing how stupid and worthless they are. Trust me, it’s a good feeling.
Or take ethics. The study of ethics is instrumental in any medical or business career. Logic is a natural progression of any career that involves math or writing, especially technical writing or computer programming. And almost every legal career depends on theories of justice and truth, both of which are active philosophical fields. Name any job and I can find underlying philosophical beliefs and theories, and the study of those theories is invaluable to succeeding in those fields. Philosophy isn’t worthless; on the contrary, it’s one of the most useful, fruitful fields there are.
So please, stop to think before you dismiss philosophy. Together we can bring it back from the edge of oblivion, and prevent my friends and I from having to commit hara-kiri.
Brian Sylvester is a fourth-year philosophy and English major.
