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Some time ago in a place now far, far away, I used to believe I had a rather pleasant social life. I had my friends, I had my local haunts and most importantly, I had a place I could turn to if the always-unpredictable case of loneliness started to arise in my system.
This was all before I decided to watch Matthew Fox and his friends over on Dharma Island. Since that fateful day, however, I have kissed my once slightly promising social experiment good-bye and devoted myself to the rigors of an 8 p.m. – 11 p.m. television work week. Sayonara females, hello solo “Friday Night Lights.”
Here’s a simple rule of thumb: when you’re doing homework and studying for statistics, I’m probably debating the merits of Tim Daly’s latest pilot or predicting which The Fray song will be featured on “Grey’s Anatomy” this week. To set the record straight, “The Biggest Loser” can be seen not just on NBC Wednesday night, but every week in 410 Oak.
It’s a hard life, I know, but someone has to do it.
So pull up a seat and join the TV cult, because without further delay I present to you my “What To Watch, What Not To” weekly schedule for the 2006-2007 fall season from Sunday to Thursday. Trust me, several cheddar food snacks and countless hours of blood, sweat and tears have been put into this lineup.
Sunday
What to watch – Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in. Nearly one year after swearing off Phil Keoghan and his “Amazing Race” cohorts, I’ve returned. Long gone are the problems that plagued the last three seasons, which nearly destroyed one of TV’s only reliable reality programs. Instead, producers have gone back to their roots, giving fans rich characters that are both enjoyable and insanely annoying. Say what you want, but the race has always been about two key factors: the travelers and locales. This year it looks as if neither will put the audience to sleep. However, if you’re one of the lucky few that get HBO, none of this matters because I’m sure you’ll be watching “The Wire.”
What not to watch – Anything on ABC or Fox. Right now, it’s debatable which station has the worse lineup, but it’s quite clear that neither are worth your time. On ABC you have a nominee for the worst show since “Nash Bridges” in “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition.” That’s followed shortly by the terribly disappointing “Desperate Housewives,” which has lost all its first-season charm, and the how-to-waste-a-good-cast-tutorial of “Brothers and Daughters.” Think Fox is better? You need not look any further than “The War at Home” and “American Dad” to question that belief. And yes, I know “Family Guy” is on at 9 p.m. So what, I still don’t like it.
Monday
What to watch – Thankfully, viewers can shake off those Sunday night doldrums with three hours of extremely worthwhile entertainment tonight. Rocketing out of the gates first is the amped up “Prison Break,” which is much improved from last year’s final half. Aided by William Fitchner as a U.S. Marshall, a higher death count and a storyline that allows more room for surprises and suspense, the show is back to its winning form. At 9 p.m., flip over to NBC for “Heroes” and “Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip” to close out your night. This two-hour block is even more impressive now that “Heroes” has garnered new writers.
What not to watch – Dear ABC, I have a question for you: Why, oh why did you keep “What About Brian?” on the air? Was it because of Barry Watson’s super sweet hair? Or was it because you really enjoyed the clever premise of a single guy falling for his best friend’s wife? Or maybe you just wanted audiences to stray from your channel for two straight nights?
Tuesday
What to watch – The TV gods have made my job easy on Tuesday. At 8 p.m., tune in to NBC for the best new show of the year, “Friday Night Lights.” After watching Kyle Chandler as coach Taylor, somehow find the CW network for the best-kept secret on TV: “Veronica Mars.” The two shows, which are criminally underwatched, are everything you could ask from the boob tube. Engaging, dramatic, and most importantly, well-written. Plus, they feature two of the screen’s most under-appreciated actors, Chandler and Kristen Bell, who plays Veronica.
What not to watch – I really tried to give “The Unit” on CBS a try. Honestly, I did. I mean, the right pieces were there in the form of Dennis Haysbert and David Mamet. But all the pedigree in the world can not help the poorly-executed and plodding action scenes. I’m sorry, I really am. The same can not be said for “NCIS,” which is on the hour before. The only apologies that should be issued in regards to “NCIS” are to those people who have to suffer an hour in its company.
Wednesday
What to watch – I could occupy this slot with more than 4,815,162,332 words on the show that runs between 9 p.m. and 10 p.m. on ABC and not even bat an eye. It’s that good. I could also write a disgusting love letter to the show and its amazing actors, directors, writers, grip people, makeup-artists, and basically anyone involved with the program. But I won’t. Instead, I’ll just say this: If you’re not watching “Lost,” you’re missing out on what may be the best show ever. If you’re cool with that, well, that’s your deal. To make the night even better, package “Lost” with “Jericho” on CBS and “The Nine” on ABC. The pair are the best new serialized shows this fall.
What not to watch – No programhas failed to bank on all its summer hype like “30 Rock,” the comedy based on a Saturday Night Live style sketch show. Tina Fey and Alec Baldwin, who do their best to make it watchable, unfortunately have a dud. Most of the jokes fall flat and fail to even elicit a giggle. All most sitcom watchers want is a couple of chuckles, and “30 Rock” can’t even deliver those all the time.
Thursday
What to watch – Speaking of comedy, there is no better place to go for laughs than the 8 p.m. – 9 p.m. time slot on NBC. Both “My Name is Earl” and “The Office” have continued to grow into TV’s most promising sitcoms. That is, if you can even call them that. Labeling them sitcoms is like choosing to designate LeBron James as a merely okay athlete; it’s just wrong. It’s almost as wrong as failing to give 23 minutes of your night to Steve Carell, Rain Wilson and Jason Lee.
What not to watch – I have something to admit. I don’t get “Grey’s Anatomy.” Simply put, I don’t understand the accolades or the storytelling. Both aspects seem trite and underwhelming. I mean, it’s not the first time someone has elected to put romance in the hospital – what’s the big deal? But to avoid the Lilith Fair backlash, I’ll resist the temptation to cancel out “Grey’s” and go with two much, much easier targets: “Shark” and “Deal or No Deal.”
