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Thursday, Feb. 9, 1:34 a.m.
Opinion

Cashiers say one thing, mean another

'Happy holidays' is 'merry Christmas' in retail-speak

Every restaurant, store and men’s room in the area seems to be spouting holiday cheer whenever I enter or exit. I sit outside the store and cringe at the thought of walking in and hearing that phrase. I walk through the store and everything has gone well until I arrive at the register. Then, as I hand over the money, completing my purchase, I think I’m in the clear and start to run to the door with glee when I hear that phrase, “Oh – and have a happy holiday!” The cheerfulness of the employee, mixed with the suspense of not knowing when it will come, is enough to kill a man – or put him in a mild coma. I just can’t help but question why these random people tell me to have happy, joyful and-or merry holiday(s). It’s my understanding that many holidays such as Christmas and Hanukkah are special and wishing them to everyone seems to make these events meaningless.

I understand that people usually substitute “happy holidays” for “merry Christmas” to be sensitive to those people who do not celebrate Christmas. Well, I have it on good authority none of them actually care, and those who do have way too much free time. The day we start letting a commercialized pagan-based greeting disrupt our daily lives will surely be the end of us. Even if you take comfort in the idea that you are being wished a happy holiday instead of a merry Christmas, has anything changed? In America, the majority of people celebrate Christmas, so even when someone in a store tells you to have a happy holiday, it’s pretty clear which holiday they are talking about. Why go through all this effort to hide which holiday you are speaking of when statistically, it’s likely that they are in fact talking about Christmas and New Year’s?

If you wanted to be truly sensitive, you’d have to wish everyone a happy holiday year round because Christians and a few others are really the only religions that have major events within the month of December. Even a faith such as Judaism, which has a major holiday in December, has many other important holidays throughout the year. So if you’re going to wish someone a happy holiday in December, you may as well do it every day of your life.

Although I tried so hard to escape this holiday cheer, it was a seemingly impossible goal. That is until I arrived at Wal-Mart. I was pleased when I went into Wal-Mart and they wished me a merry Christmas. Now, I couldn’t care less if they wished me a merry Christmas specifically. I was just so pleased that they at least knew what they were wishing toward me. I respectfully declined their wish, but I was pleased all the same. Even if I don’t want to celebrate Christmas, I can at least respect the fact that they are wishing me a merry Christmas.

I am just too suspicious of those who wish me happy holidays because I have no idea what holidays they are telling me to be happy with. For all I know they are wishing me to celebrate some ancient pagan holiday in which people are sacrificed. While this is an extreme, I couldn’t care less if someone in a store wanted to wish me a happy Hanukkah, a krazy Kwanzaa or even a respectable Ramadan. However, if you are going to wish me anything, at least tell me what it is so I can decide if I want to accept it.

Justin Chase wishes you all a Super Saturnalia.