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This past January, Katie Cabana and Aaron Settipani were shot and killed in her home in Marshfield, Maine by Katie’s former boyfriend, Richard Wittecomb. In December, Kristen Smart Hart of Lagrange was shot and killed by her husband while she hid under the bed in her home. The term “crime of passion” has been used to describe both situations. It is essential to look beyond this explanation to explore why so many women, in Maine and beyond, are hurt or killed by current or former intimate partners.
The Maine Department of Public Safety reports that from 2000 to 2003, sixty-five percent of women who were killed in Maine were killed by an “intimate partner.” That is an enormous number which begs the question: Why? Why are so many women being killed by their husbands and boyfriends; the people who are supposed to love and care for them?
Articles about both events in the Bangor Daily News tended to emphasize the poor lifestyle choices of the victims. Kristen Smart Hart was labeled “a naturalist who led an unconventional life that often put her in danger.” She and her husband were involved in selling and using drugs, and this was also used as an excuse for her husband’s decision to shoot her and for her own “decision” to participate in such a lifestyle. The lifestyles and poor choices these women made were questioned while the men’s choices to shoot them were not. This is the sort of victim-blaming that obscures the real problem and prevents a dialogue about the large problem of domestic violence in Maine.
Thirty-one percent of women in the U.S report being sexually and/or physically abused by a partner at some time during their lives. These are just the reported cases; many more go unreported. Domestic violence is not about passion, love or anger. It is about power and control. Abusers have learned the way they gain power and control over their partners is to hurt them emotionally, sexually and/or physically.
It is also telling that both of these women were shot when their partners thought that they were having relationships with other men. Abusers often tend to be possessive and controlling and may feel as if they own their partners. This is the “If I can’t have them, no one will” belief. This belief is promoted through society’s encouragement of “real men” to use power and coercion against others for their own gain and to view women not as human beings but as objects that can be owned.
Domestic violence is a societal problem and as such, requires a multi-faceted solution. As members of society, there are things we each can do to help. In domestic violence situations, at least one person is aware that the woman is being abused by, or is in danger from, her partner. There are resources in our state to help people who are being abused by a partner. Some “red flags” of abusive behavior are: controlling and jealous behavior; isolating a partner from friends and family; monitoring who a partner speaks to or where the partner goes; making a partner check in constantly; and dictating the clothes a partner wears.
If you know someone who may be involved in an abusive relationship, please share this information with them. The Maine Coalition to End Domestic Violence (MCEDV) is available 24 hours a day. They can be reached at 1-866-834-HELP. There are also legal resources available to people who have been abused, such as Pine Tree Legal at http://www.ptla.org/pfa.htm and the Penquis Law Project at 973-3671.
Christy Oliveri is a graduate student in the higher education program and an intern in the ALANA Center.
