Twitter
Facebook
Reddit
Digg
Tell us what you think!Send a letter to the editor about this or any other article in The Maine Campus.
John McCain, you are so scared! You woke up in the middle of the night yelling “Mom, Barack Obama is going to win the White House and fill it with advisers who are terrorists!” You wanted to know more about his friends before you would be his friend. Don’t worry, little guy! It’s just your imagination. Let’s get you a nightlight.
Barack Obama has support from a scary man. But remember how your supporter, close friend and Watergate ex-convict G. Gordon Liddy, urged people to shoot cops in the head, rather than the chest, because cops have bullet-proof vests? You recently said you are proud of him. Bill Ayres is kind of like that guy. You wouldn’t put G. Gordon Liddy on the Supreme Court, would you? That would be silly! Barack Obama isn’t silly like that. His supporters include people who are much more qualified to advise him: Colin Powell, Warren Buffet – people who are your friends, too! If Obama put the scary man in office, he would terrify all the people, and they wouldn’t vote for him again! Now why would anyone do something like that?
So with that, we got you some warm milk and a ruffle on the head. But a few hours later you were up again, John, knocking on that door. This time you had a scary dream that Barack Obama was a socialist, and you think it’s real. He’ll steal money from the rich and give it to the poor, you said. But John, he’s lowering taxes for 95 percent of the people and raising them on the top 5 percent. Now, you keep telling everyone at your rallies that their taxes will go up – you have many, very rich friends, after all. You said he’ll redistribute wealth, and that’s socialism! Let me get a flashlight to shine under your bed: No Soviet tanks there!
Republicans actually invented a tax structure tiered by income – everyone paid the same thing until Abraham Lincoln came along and taxed incomes up to $10,000 at 3 percent, and the tax on incomes above that almost doubled. Now John, let’s ask ourselves: Was Abraham Lincoln a radical socialist? I don’t think so! Let’s get you a glass of water and get back on the straight sleep express.
Uh-oh, John. I know you have had a hard time sleeping, but you are in deep trouble, mister. Your friend Suzy just called, and she said you have been making prank phone calls to the people of Maine, telling them about all your scary dreams! Why would you do that, John? You promised there would be a respectful campaign. I know Barry has said some mean things about you – called you “erratic” and all that, what a meanie! But Suzy Collins is your good friend, and even she is embarrassed by your prank phone calls.
Did you tell Joe that Barack Obama voted to kill babies? You know that’s not true, because Barry told you that at the debate. He talked about how he voted against a new law that would have done what an existing law already did.
Who put you up to this, John? Don’t you remember how your feelings were hurt when George Bush’s boy blasted rumors about you? You aren’t hanging out with those kids are you? I know you think they’re really cool for getting George, Jr., elected, but you also know that they are mean boys, and they’re a bad influence. Why don’t you spend more time with that Lieberman boy?
Eryk Salvaggio is no longer the president of McCain Supporters for Obama.
