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‘Tis the season to shoot your eye out, drop the f-bomb and show a bully who’s boss. At least that’s the lesson 1983′s “A Christmas Story” teaches us. In this crass flick, there are no sugary morals or emphasis on family values. It is Christmas, dressed down – way down. “A Christmas Story” is to the holidays what the creepy overweight uncle is to your family reunion: it makes people uncomfortable but without it, the holidays just wouldn’t be the same.
Set in northern Indiana in the 1940s, the flick follows the life of 9-year-old Ralphie Parker as he tries to convince his parents, teacher and even Santa that he deserves a Red Ryder BB gun for Christmas – to be precise, his dream gift is “an official Red Ryder carbine-action 200-shot range model BB rifle with a compass in the stock.” Unfortunately for Ralphie, this pursuit falls under the “easier said than done” category.
Jean Shepherd narrates as a reflective little Ralphie Parker and fittingly articulates the struggles and drama in the life of a young boy. Each time Ralphie expresses his desire for the Red Ryder rifle, he is met with the same adage: “You’ll shoot your eye out, kid!” With despair, Ralphie faces the possibility he may not receive the ultimate present on Christmas morning.
Sadly for Ralphie, but joyously for us, life doesn’t get much better from there. A snot-nosed, yellow-eyed bully is after him, cold flagpoles pose a threat, grumpy elves reign supreme and certain aunts should stay away from pink fabric and sewing machines.
Cable stations have taken to holding 24-hour marathons of this oddball, roundabout Christmas classic. Local stations won’t touch it. If you’ve seen it or decide to see it, you might just understand where they’re coming from. “A Christmas Story” pushes the proverbial envelope and then goes a little further. Here, little kids are not rosy-cheeked angels sipping hot chocolate and making snowmen – they are alternately idiotic and violent. Parents are not sweet and congenial – they’re angry and sexist. Santa isn’t jolly and welcoming; he’s bitter and irritable. Enjoy the ride.
It’s the kind of story that may not warm your heart, but will remind you of your own insane family. It might cause you to reminisce about a time when the quality of your life hinged on whether or not you got the Christmas present you were after. Even when Ralphie’s family attempts to follow the traditional model of a Christmas dinner, they fail epically. Just wait until you find out what a Chinese turkey is.
By the end of this film, you want Ralphie’s family to live happily ever after. You want Ralphie to get his BB gun, even if it turns out he could lose an eye. Take it from me, “A Christmas Story” is the ultimate must-see for Scrooges the world over. Grade: A-
