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While I may be smarter than the average bear when it comes to general beard knowledge, I still have a lot to learn. Yesterday, I manned the tubes to find out more about my favorite declaration of manliness.
I Googled “beards” and succumbed to the urge to click “images” before looking at my real search results. I found an amazing assortment of facial-haired fellows, charts of all the different styles of beard (the “Franz Josef” might be my favorite) as well as whiskered men of all races acting silly. I love you, Google image search.
After more searching and more learning – Did you know Alexander the Great was a proponent of being clean-shaven? Some testament of masculinity he was – I stumbled upon something so great I can barely contain my giddy shakes as I type the name here.
The Beard Liberation Front.
According to Wikipedia, the Beard Liberation Front (BLF) is a “British interest group which campaigns in support of beards and opposes discrimination against those who wear them.” These guys have apparently even necessitated the addition of a new word into the Oxford English Dictionary – beardism, or discrimination caused by the wearing of facial hair.
Apparently, the BLF was founded back in the late ’90s, and one of the reasons for its creation was to campaign against New Labour politicians’ trend of removing facial hair. BLF founder Keith Flett stated, “Beards are politically progressive. All the great revolutionary socialists had a beard. Stalin had a mustache.”
The BLF is also responsible for handing out Beard of the Year awards. The first two, awarded in 2001 and 2002, were given to Labour Party dissenters, who stayed faithful to their progressive heritage and refused the shave. Frank Dobson, the 2001 winner and a member of Parliament, reportedly told Labour Party officials to “get stuffed” when he was asked to shave his beard. The winner in 2002, Jeremy Corbyn, said his beard was a “form of dissent” against New Labour.
I must say, whatever facial-hair problems and hang-ups they may have in jolly-old England aside, I haven’t heard much lately about beardism. True, I can’t think of a single U.S. politician who wears a beard off the top of my head, but who wants them to? We all know politicians are not to be trusted, and giving them beards would lend an air of authenticity and honesty that would only serve to confuse my bearded brethren and myself. I may have even been tricked into voting for John McCain had he adorned a set of friendly muttonchops. I say we must ban the wearing of beards for public figures and civil servants.
Citizens of our great nation must know that bearded men are thoughtful, generous, knowledgeable and kind to their mothers, as well as to animals. Allowing politicians and other unsavory characters to wear beards would only give the rest of us a bad name.
I urge readers to e-mail me at mario.moretto@maine.edu with any beardism related stories they may like to share. Next time I’ll be talking about the only manly way to shave – the straight razor.
Related Posts:- Beard Police: The perfect beard? It’s personal (February 2, 2009)
- Beard Police: Summer shave is a shameful mistake (April 16, 2009)
- Beard Police: Misconceptions face razor’s edge (September 14, 2009)
- Beard Police: No-shave November cuts beardies’ pride deep (November 5, 2009)
- Beard Police: Bearded heroes we can all look up to (September 28, 2009)
Amen, to this my bearded brethren. When the cold north winds blow, we men with facial hair will rejoice with our warmth and comfort from winter’s icey grip upon the land.
From,
A friend from NDSU.
[Reply]
Mario, I would argue that the most glaring example of beardism in the University of Maine System is the absence of a major in pogonology nor even a single course in this study of beards. For instance how many students are aware that queens in ancient egypt strapped metallic beards to their chins as a sign of stature?
[Reply]