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Take everything cool about the “The Matrix,” “X-Men” and the hit TV series “Heroes,” throw it out the window, and the result is 2008′s “Jumper.” Now, take “Jumper,” replace Hayden Christensen with Chris Evans, make the plot even more convoluted, and you’re left with “Push.”
The trailer for “Push” promises a visual fiesta, sweet action sequences and cool sci-fi twists – a typical, post awards-season popcorn flick. Unfortunately, director Paul McGuigan (“Lucky Number Slevin”) creates a painful experience here.
“Push” follows a group of government-altered humans with supernatural powers. The characters have titles corresponding to their abilities. “Watchers” can see the future. “Movers” are telekinetic. A “Pusher” can manipulate people’s thoughts.
Then there are the obscure ones: “Bleeders” and “Sniffs.” When a Bleeder attacks someone, they scream as loud as they can and everyone within earshot of this scream falls to the ground in agony while bleeding out their ears and eyes. A Sniff is like a bloodhound – they track people by sniffing items the person has recently touched.
The most ridiculous scene involves two Sniffs as they walk around the main character’s apartment and sniff everything – his boxers, sheets, dishes. The way they discover him in the first place is by sniffing a toothbrush he used a few weeks beforehand. It’s one of the more ludicrous concepts to make it to the big screen.
The plot is so insanely hard to follow, it’s doubtful a Watcher could even see where it’s headed. There’s no point in trying to explain; it’d be like trying to teach a five-year-old advanced trigonometry. The plot of “Push” is akin to throwing a coconut, a tire iron, an entire cheese pizza and prime rib into a blender – it just doesn’t make sense.
Who cares about plot, though? It has cool characters and sweet action scenes, right? Wrong. The characters are so thin, Stevie Wonder could see through them. The action scenes are seemingly cut from an awful Jean-Claude Van Damme flick. Exciting moments are few and far between, and the dialogue surrounding them is drawn out and incoherent. It isn’t a mystery why the best part of the film is when Dakota Fanning gets drunk and rambles on about nothing.
The worst part may be the end, when it’s hinted a sequel is in the works. I tend to love cliffhanger endings. They make me want to hold on until the next film. The ending of “Push” makes me want to let go of that cliff, fall to my death and go to a world where good films are made.
Grade: F
Bangor Daily News