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Look at the mall on any given school day and you’ll see all the telltale signs that it’s getting warmer outside. The green grass, the flying Frisbees, the shoeless slack liners and the happy hippies all let us know spring has sprung. While most members of the UMaine community welcome the temperature’s slow rise, it is a trying time for bearded fellows.
The eternal summer question is almost upon us – to shave or not to shave?
A lot of men grow “winter beards,” either under the assumption it will help keep their necks warm or as part of growing contest with their friends. The assumption that facial hair will keep your face warm in the winter is as wrong as the assumption that leads to too many cases of springtime shaving – that a beard will be hot and uncomfortable in the summer.
While a beard does serve to keep your neck warm in the winter, the problem is snow and ice accumulating on your face fuzz during long walks or sojourns into the outdoors. Then you get inside, the ice melts and you have a cold, wet beard.
Obviously, it’s easy enough to deal with this by simply wiping the snow and ice off your face before you go inside, but it’s important for potential shavers to realize that this same quality works in your favor in the summer. Your beard will help keep you cool for a while after you jump into the pool, pond or puddle in an attempt to fight off the summer heat.
There are only two recommended reasons to shave before summer kicks in. The first is most important – experimenting with new styles. I can’t think of a cooler way to spice up your summer pig roast than with a funky new beard style. Because most winter growers simply sport full beards all winter, spring and summer are great times to try new things with your facial hair because most of the hard work is already done. Try out a goatee, muttonchops, a big bushy mustache or an evil villain.
The second reason for spring shaving is the chinstrap. If you have one of these, you have failed at growing a beard. The only remedy is to start over from scratch. Lose the strap and try growing something else.
Employment is another important thing to consider. Many students get summer jobs to help afford college, apartments and school year drinking. It is important to find out your employers’ policy on facial hair. Many restaurants – most jobs in the service sector, actually – have rules against beards. If you find yourself employed in one of these jobs, quit. You can always have a successful and fulfilling career as a farmer or sailor. Those guys know how to respect a beard.
This is my last column for the year, so I leave you with one final piece of advice. It is important for everyone to know that any time is a good time to start growing a beard. Just because you missed the boat over the winter, or you’ve never grown a beard to begin with, doesn’t mean you can’t start now. I hope to see your smiling, hairy face next year. Until then, Beard Police out.
