Opinion

Op-Ed: How am I doing? I want to get real

By Tyler Francke

Posted on April 16, 2009, at 12:00 a.m.

Last Thursday, something strange happened to me.

Trekking through the empty halls of the Union, I spied a familiar face among the sea of strangers. He was a friend of mine, or maybe an acquaintance, and he smiled when he saw me. We greeted each other with a handshake and a hearty Maine hello. Apparently eager to start a conversation, he asked me my opinion of President Obama’s performance as president thus far.

It’s a complicated question, so I took a couple seconds to gather a coherent response. I was just opening my mouth to answer, when he gave me a look of supreme boredom and wandered on without a good bye or a second glance. Shocked, I watched him leave and wondered what I had done wrong.

OK, I just made that up. Anyone can see that this would be ridiculous. Someone who acted like that regularly would – at best – have no one willing to talk to them, or -at worst – be trucked off to a mental institution, at worst. No rational person would ask a question if they’re not interested in the answer, right?

But we experience situations like this on a daily basis, and we play both roles. Though commonplace, it is no less disturbing than what is described above. Here’s an example:

“How you doing?” – “Good. How you doing?” – “Good. See ya.” – “Bye.”

Exchanges like this, completely devoid of truth and humanity, are helping to erode the foundations of communication. These scripted conversations, which have become a standard greeting, represent the larger problem of a shrinking amount of authenticity in relationships and even a dwindling desire to know real people.

After all, we live in a culture of isolation. Civic involvement, church attendance and newspaper readership, just as a few examples, have been steadily declining since the ’70s, and all are indicative of this disturbing trend. In a world of television and the Internet, where we have the best stories and the most beautiful people at our fingertips, it becomes easier to see our real lives as mundane and ordinary. But the value in genuine, face-to-face interaction is not only that we are able to connect deeply with another human being, but that we receive the validation of knowing we are important to someone, that we exist and are valuable. As a television viewer, we are nothing but a detached observer, a dot on the ratings graph.

Scripted exchanges that reduce the assessment of someone’s intricate state of mind to a single word contribute to our detachment from each other and ourselves. These artificial “human” interactions encourage us to isolate and turn to technology for a false sense of comfort. And unlike the entertainment industry, it’s the one link in this endless chain we have the ability to break.

So let’s toss out these scripts, once and for all. Go ask a friend how they’re doing, if you don’t know. But only if you have the time to listen.

Tyler Francke is a junior journalism student.

This entry was posted on Thursday, April 16th, 2009, 12:00 am. You can follow any responses to this article through the RSS feed.