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In the world of romance, there will always be one thing that endures — blind dates. No matter how many times we fail at relationships or forfeit by not having one at all, there comes a point for everyone when a blind date becomes a feasible option for meeting someone. Although the world of the Internet dating allows us to sift through the qualities of strangers, increasing our chances at compatibility before meeting, sometimes people are brave enough to just jump right in. Some of us are even brave enough to let our friends pick our counterparts, sight unseen. So in the spirit of matchmaking, I thought I would set up a few friends of the American public — namely two of our beloved TV commercial personalities — and see what happened (in my head).
Today’s date involves Flo, the incomparable Progressive girl, who will be going out with the un-named Goodwill Guy, who we’ll call Joe. Now as we know, Flo is a spunky, motorcycle-riding gal whose ‘tricked out nametag’ always has us coming back for more. Joe is more elusive, teasing us with the promise of that adorable little black dress, but we all know he’s got a heart of gold underneath those overalls. How could you not want these two to be together? They both work hard for their customers to get them the best deal possible, then pull another discount out of thin air and just grin. Flo is keeping your house, car and boat safe with what she believes to be top-quality insurance, and Joe is helping those less fortunate and making the world a better place, one bargain at a time.
So here’s how the date might go: Flo spends hours teasing and re-teasing her hair, finishing it off with an extra-special polka-dot headband. Her makeup is perfect, with just a hint of Vegas showgirl. She’ll debate over wearing her beloved nametag — it is a blind date after all — but will eventually be content with wearing it on the inside of her jacket, over her heart. Joe, on the other hand, will pick up his freshly laundered overalls from the cleaners that afternoon — he’s got to impress this lady with his style and class. His beloved hatchback has been washed and waxed by the out-of-work mechanic down the street for two bags of groceries. He won’t bring her flowers, but a nifty bottle cap lamp that he picked up at work for a real good price.
At dinner, Flo will sweetly ask Joe if he’s happy with the deductible on that adorable hatchback, while Joe will gently prod Flo for her favorite soup kitchen. As the conversation eases, they’ll reminisce about their favorite customers, like schoolteachers talking about their favorite students. He’ll find her witty and alluring, while she’ll find his “aw-shucks” attitude refreshing and genuine. With these results, a second date is a given. But will it last? No one can know.
Blind dates are hard to judge. We tend to show only the best parts of ourselves, which can be dangerous in the long run. Maybe Flo has always dreamed about a cross-country bike trip on that 900 V-Twin, which doesn’t really fit in with Joe’s fear of swallowing bugs — a hazard of the open road. Or maybe they’re just too similar, as they both work in service industries. Sometimes people who work to better the world get overly attached to their own particular cause and ignore the other parts of their own lives. The bottom line is that a blind date can be the start of something unexpectedly wonderful, or a few hours of painfully awkward conversation. Thankfully, most fall somewhere in the middle.
Jennifer Fortier is a (single) marine biology graduate student.
Bangor Daily News