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The University of Maine is now in its fourth week of classes. For many, September is just the start of another semester; for others it is the beginning of a new phase in life. Free of parental control and legally liable for themselves, it is assumed that first years are responsible in at least a minimally acceptable way. This column’s charge is to help people make informed decisions about the alcohol that they choose to consume, but a large subset of The Maine Campus’ readership can be considered uninitiated — SADD statistics suggest that less than 30 percent of those under 21 drink on a regular basis. The following are suggestions every drinker should heed — seasoned or inexperienced — that your parents were afraid to tell you, lest you become an alcoholic.
For starters, like almost all things, entertainment and the media create a bold, exaggerated image of the typical drinker. Every character that knows his or her limits and can enjoy a beer without going overboard is eclipsed by no less than five that drink beyond excess; four of whom abuse their spouse and one their children, in addition. The fact of the matter is drinking until you think your bedroom wall is a urinal is not the norm. Call it romantic, but there is no greater pleasure than a single beer, a stoop and a sunset. Beer — like any other quality foodstuff — is meant to be savored.
It would be a mistake to relish the taste of Natural Light. This may be considered beer discrimination, but you get what you pay for. A good general rule is about a dollar a bottle. There are gems to be found under that price point, but they’re rare. Anything above that is likely drinkable at least, if not your cup of tea. Everyone has a cheap standby for long nights, but attempting to distinguish between mass-produced beers is more often an exercise in brand loyalty than taste.
The search for a good standby drink yields an unexpected surprise — not all buzzes are alike. Not only can a beer be judged on an objective basis — appearance, aroma and taste — but its effects. Although most beers fall on a continuum between “blackout” and “Hemingway” in terms of clarity of effect, each are nuanced and all are distinctly different from wines and spirits. A beer best suited for a pleasant meal may disappoint in a card game.
There is no one universal drinker or drink. Someone whose gold standard is Beast Ice is not an objectively worse person than a Guinness loyal, even if their beer is. If you choose to drink — the statistics suggest you will — you owe it to yourself to explore your likes and dislikes and find your niche. Just because stereotypes exist does not mean you need to fall prey to them.
