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Thursday, Feb. 9, 1:34 a.m.
Style & Culture

Beer Police: Holiday drinking makes families easier to swallow

Whether we are ready or not, the holiday season is quickly being leveled on us by retail outlets. It isn’t yet Thanksgiving, but ornaments and tinsel already far outnumber turkeys donning belt-buckled hats. Kenny G will soon flood the loudspeakers of many a Target, and wallets nationwide will engage in their yearly march and divest themselves of all tangible assets, owner be damned. ’Tis the season for well-documented depression, and who is going to save you? A fat dude with a large goody bag? I wager it will be the booze.

Don’t misunderstand — drinking for comfort is physically and emotionally unhealthy. Drinking during the holidays is socially acceptable, however, and a rite of passage for many. Where a lot of parents are normally restrictive of their children drinking — even when they’re of age — all bets are off for the holidays. Spiked eggnog is shared for Thanksgiving, a good cocktail on Christmas Eve, Manichewitz for Chanukah and champagne for New Years. For many, the holidays may be the only time of the year to get intoxicated with their family, and it can turn a stressful event into something much more pleasant.

Take Thanksgiving for example. A whole two days are spent in the kitchen, preparing the feast. Logistics have to be considered, and they are often complicated: Who gets the guest bedroom, you or your uncle? Who is picking your grandmother up from the airport? And what is this all for? A meal that, although delicious, leaves you more full than a month’s worth of your normal Ramen and grilled cheeses, bickering between your parents and in-laws and a hefty dose of guilt from the family members you barely call.

Add in a serving of alcohol, and Thanksgiving becomes something transcendent. Instead of underhanded insults, your family starts exchanging hugs. Guards are dropped, and people can be more honest with one another. Even if your family doesn’t descend into an instinctive, animalistic love-fest, at least you’ve got a beer, a recliner and a football game — assuming you can call dibs on the seat.

Christmas can be a slightly less-scary proposition, but the transformative effects of alcohol are not diminished — there may be less immediate stress than Thanksgiving, but that just makes a beer all the more appealing. How is exchanging stories around a comfortable room with a good drink intimidating or unpleasant in any way? Better than a stress-relieving drink is one of celebration, and that is the whole point of Christmas — to celebrate.

Although it isn’t true in every case a sober person’s thoughts are a drunk person’s words, and the holidays should be a time for honesty and discovery. There are few occasions when a person’s entire family can congregate — why hamper open, constructive dialogue when it’s just a drink away? The Christmas season is a time for merriment, and for better or worse, our society’s Christmas cheer comes in pint glasses and Champagne flutes. Crack open a beer in front of your parents, offer them one and bask in the spirit of the season.