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Last week, gay marriage was repealed in the state of Maine. The final vote was so narrow, I wonder if my active involvement could have made a difference. The day after the vote, a professor asked our class who had helped in the campaigns this year. All of us avoided eye contact. “You’ve got to set your priorities straight!” he said.
When I received an e-mail from MoveOn.org urging me to contact Rep. Mike Michaud in support of the House bill on health care reform, I set my priorities straight. I wrote him a letter and sent out an email to all of my friends asking them to do the same. I also called his office. I would feel terrible if I let this opportunity to make real change pass me by, especially since the lack of health care has deeply affected me and my family.
Deciding to come to graduate school was a tough decision for me. I received an assistanship to cover the cost of tuition, and even got a small stipend. Some would have called me a fool not to go, especially in this economy. Yet I was torn. It was not that I had any special job prospects back in Philadelphia or some amazing opportunity awaiting me I’d prefer over school. It was that my mother is very sick. Sure, she had her husband — my stepfather — to take care of her, but taking care of someone who is sick is more demanding than full-time job.
My mother has advanced multiple sclerosis — the type of disease private insurance companies hate. Sure, my mom and other chronically ill people could spend the rest of their lives in hospitals or nursing homes, but if you’ve ever spent any length of time in these sterile environments, you’d know how uncomfortable, isolating and dehumanizing they can be. More than that — and this seems to be the only argument to which people will pay attention — keeping people in their homes is cheaper. The costs are $22,000 per year for home care versus $85,000 to live in a nursing home.
Chronically ill people are expensive. We finally deciphered, after being sent in circles for months, that Aetna, our insurance company, does not cover home care for someone who will not recover. They will pay for a few weeks of rehab and physical therapy after surgery, but if there is no recovery, there is no coverage. One insurance woman on the phone disdainfully told me, “That’s what family is for.” Yes, that’s part of what family is for, but it’s not that simple. Families need help.
For one thing, my stepfather must maintain his job in order to receive health care, which means he is away from my mother during the day. They pay for in-home care and other medical needs out of pocket, and they have been forced to choose between food and medicine. They have been selling family heirlooms to pay the bills insurance won’t cover, and family friends have been giving them money. Money from friends is not what friendships are “for,” but my parents often have no choice but to accept. The guilt of putting a financial burden on family and friends in addition to the physical pain she experiences everyday have caused my mother to contemplate euthanasia.
There must be young people out there who have had to face the same decision but chose to stay home. I chose to go to graduate school at my mother’s insistence, but I bear the guilt of knowing I cannot help care for her and that my stepfather is overworked. My mother bears the guilt of forcing her family to make difficult decisions. And what of the students who choose not to go to school? Their contributions to our society’s advancement are missed, and they are forced to sacrifice their lives and dreams. No one should have to make the choice between caring for a sick family member and education — or anything else for that matter. In health care reform, there is much more at stake than just our health. We must act now, before this window of opportunity is closed.
Anya Rose is a graduate student for health care reform.
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