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Red Bull gives you wings, Monster unleashes your beast and Four Loko gives you a rush —to the nearest local hospital, that is.
Deemed the “blackout in a can,” Four Loko has college kids going loco and the Food and Drug Administration dashing to get the alcoholic energy drink and all others like it canned for good. In prohibition 2010, clearly the Man is coming for the florescent can.
On Wednesday, the FDA, fueled by concerns from college officials as well as numerous other state and media authorities, warned four companies about their “unsafe food additive” — the combination of caffeine and alcoholic malt beverages — giving them 15 days to reformulate their products or risk a total recall.
A duo sure to make even the most experienced of drinkers crash in the fast lane, caffeine and alcohol, with a little help from economic feasibility, form the drunkard’s ultimate trifecta, where the drinker hurtles toward wasted without a blasted, quantifiable clue. Where the cheap buzz is a college student’s wet dream, Four Loko’s funnel fantasy is a health nightmare, causing hearts to race, but not in a good way.
One 23.5 fluid-ounce can of Four Loko is said to be the equivalent of three beers, a can of Red Bull and a large espresso, and according to the FDA, causes walking blackouts, heart palpitations, anxiety, hyper-vigilance, alcohol poisoning and several other negative side effects.
It’s understandable that the FDA would seek to ban products like Four Loko and Joose, especially when the former sent nine students from Washington University to the hospital after one night of guzzling. But the FDA should really consider the fact that it’s hard to put things completely to rest when there’s caffeine involved.
An outright ban on alcoholic energy drinks is not the most effective route to resolution, especially when the only factor has to do with bodily safety. All alcohol is harmful in bulk and Four Loko’s danger lies exactly in that — quantity.
Therefore, rather than eliminating the option altogether, it’s far more logical to decrease the size of the can and the amount in an individual is serving. Shrink the proportions, hike the price and the problem will nullify.
Any type of prohibition has proved futile. People always seek more hazardous alternatives and suffer the consequences in secrecy. If the FDA is truly concerned for the welfare of young adult drinkers, they shouldn’t regulate them to mixing Red Bull and cheap vodka in tin bathtubs by carrying out a hasty re-collection.
Hotfooting the issue is only going to elongate the bootlegging and the resulting consequences won’t easily be taken in stride.
