The 2013 Grammy Awards are upon us. Rather, by the time you’re reading this, they’ve come and gone. I wrote this column before the awards were given out, so here is a quick wish list: I hope Dr. John’s “Locked Down” wins Best Blues Album; M83’s “Hurry Up, We’re Dreaming” wins Best Alternative Music Album; and I hope Mumford & Sons wins nothing.
A lot of people like to make their own Grammy lists. I held my own “Indie Grammys” last year in this column. That was a good time, so I’m at it again: Here are my Grammy picks for this year.
Best Concert-Going, Joke-Cracking Grammy – Hattie Banks from “The Fresh Prince of Bel Air”
Yes, I meant Grammy as in grandma. It’s an old, worn out joke, but I’m running with it. Besides, that scene where Will and his grandma talk about the Heavy D concert — not Charlie Daniels, as she thought — is classic. Will starts playing classic Heavy D hip-hop from his boombox, Granny Banks starts flapping her dress around and concludes by offering Will pancakes. And scene.
Best Overly-Hospitable, Passive-Aggressive Grammy – Marie Barone from “Everybody Loves Raymond”
She spends most of her time cooking for and chastising Frank, belittling or ignoring Robert, condescendingly dismissing Debra and heaping praise on Ray, and we love her for it. She is one of the most admired TV grandmas of all time, if not only because she brings out the funniest qualities in Frank.
In one scene, when she faces defeat in the form of a food dish cooked by Debra that actually tastes great, her only option is to throw the fork on the table and promptly leave the room. This leads to one of the best Frank quotes ever: “This food has magical powers.”
Best Constantly-Drinking, Ever Quotable Grammy – Lucille Bluth from “Arrested Development”
The news that “Arrested Development” will return on Netflix in May of this year is the best thing some TV fans — myself included — have ever heard. To celebrate, here are some choice quotes from Lucille Bluth, not Ostero:
“Everything they do is so dramatic and flamboyant. It just makes me want to set myself on fire.”
“Dinner’s ready. We’re having Lindsay chops. What? I just wanted to be ready in case some bully at school was as clever as I am.”
“How much could a banana cost, $10?”