I am pretty sure every new YikYak Beat I write, my chances of ever landing a job take a major hit. The people on this app may have the benefit of anonymity, yet I do not have such shielding for my reputation. In fact my name, email and personal information are all tied to my writing. So, this one is dedicated to all my future employers: please hire me.
2/9:
“You’re studying abroad? We call them women now.” This woke stuff is getting out of hand.
“Not being able to get a man pregnant is really depressing,” said ‘touchmytitos.’ Maybe you’re just not trying hard enough man.
“So drunk that I find it hilarious that I’m currently at college in Orono Maine.” I do not even have to be drunk to find that funny.
Speaking of funny, “Me vs spring semester (I’m losing).” If you’ve ever run a 400 meter race, the last 100 meters feels a lot like a spring semester.
I am a big fan of roundabouts, especially when people know how to use them. “Treating the roundabout like it’s my own personal particle accelerator.” It sounds like ‘critical_stinker’ knows how to use it. ‘Fish_wizard_daily’ asked, “Stinker are you wearing a helmet.” To which they replied “what’s a helmet.” Remember, helmets increase the likelihood of head injuries*.
2/10:
I know I tend to glaze ‘critical_stinker,” but sometimes I can not help myself. “I have my PhD interview today, if you want another 4-5 years of Stinker, please keep me in your thoughts/prayers! (this is not a sh*t post).” Thank you for the clarification, stinker. I wish you the best.
“Yes i AM flirting #shameless.” Not that there is anything wrong with that.
2/11:
This post was the very first thing I saw on the morning of Wednesday, Feb. 10. “White boys need to go back to their roots, I’m talking Rodrick from diary of a wimpy kid, garage band, teenage dirtbag roots. I know you yearn for them white boy stop denying yourself white boy.” It is so over.
2/12:
Speaking of white boys, ‘umaine_paperclip’ posted a screenshot of the Maine Campus article titled “George Mitchell found in Epstein files, UMaine considers changing program names.” By the way, he was mentioned over 300 times in the files and directly named by a victim. This is too dystopian.
Anyway, it would not be a YikYak Beat without some parking mishap. “To whoever hit my car backing out of their spot in belgrade today, i hope you see this and i hope you fail all of your classes this semester.” The only option is “tar and feather” according to ‘eggs_benedict_.’
“Life is great man, you can eat at Dennys, wear a hat, whatever you want.” No, because you are so right, life is beautiful.
“Can this semester just end so mama can graduate?? Like goddamn.” Senioritis is so bad I gotta hype myself up to write the Beat.
2/13:
“We are closer to 2030 than 1912. Let that sink in.” Yeah, totally.
“5 BELOW IS COMING TO BANGOR LETS GOOOOOOO.” One commented, “GOATED.” It really does not take a lot to excite an Orono resident.
In light of this exciting news, ‘theowls’ is “at the boy aquarium!” I have never been but it sounds like a grande old time. Interestingly “it is my job to,” they added. Whatever that involves.
“A passionate kiss to whoever was responsible for the fried chicken at York today.” Whatever Fed, we all know this is a plant.
“Was washing my hair, accidentally moaned a lil, sh*t happens.” Thanks ‘touchmytitos,’ my day was going pretty well until now.
Today we are going to learn about pronouns. Pronouns are words used in place of a noun to represent such a thing being referred to. One YikYak user offered an interesting take: “what if the first women in stem were actually when men granted aircrafts and machines she/her pronouns.” Wait until they realize they made the planes woke.
Anyway thanks for reading, see y’all next week. And get active on YikYak in between.
*That would otherwise result in fatality.
