LETTER TO THE EDITOR BY JULES HATHAWAY
I can see why more and more people are not feeling the love on Valentine’s Day. With the pressure to buy pricey items — flowers, candy, even jewelry — as a means of showing devotion, it can feel like a cynical move on the part of corporate America to manipulate our emotions to boost profits. For people who aren’t in relationships and yearn to be, it can be a painful reminder of singleness.
But let’s not give up on what can be a lovely, heartwarming occasion. Without much effort, we can reframe and reclaim it. I’m going to give you some ideas. For one thing, let’s broaden the list of relationships we can celebrate.
How about family, including parents, siblings, grandparents and other relatives? I have some of the best grown up kids in the state of Maine. In recent years, I’ve had the privilege of taking their significant others into my heart. This year I am so grateful that my mother-in-law is recovering from an emergency surgery and we didn’t lose her. Chosen family members count too.
How about friends? What would life be without them? Remember the Girl Scout song about making new friends and keeping the old? New friends can get us in touch with exciting new ideas and experiences, but nothing beats the trusted friend who has been there for you at your best and worst.
And there are the friends who give us a higher, more unconditional love than humans are capable of: our beloved animal companions. My rescue cat, Tobago, adds joy to every day and snuggles to every night. She’s good for anxiety control and heart health. She unfailingly knows when I need her most.
All of us have people who, often unnoticed, facilitate our lives. Some of my favorites are the awesome Community Connector bus drivers. Without them I’d have to walk 4.7 miles each way to get to school. I’m also a huge fan of our custodians and grounds crew.
Last, but very much not least, there’s the one person with whom you will have a life long relationship – your unique and fabulous self. Sadly, self love can be really hard in this society with all its pressure to compare ourselves to others and feel less than, and the photoshopped, truly-intimidating images served up on social media. Learn to treat yourself with the same compassion, acceptance and love with which you treat valued friends. Make sure you’re respecting your needs for sleep, nutrition, health and joy. Make others respect your boundaries. You deserve no less.
You are perfectly capable of showing love without going the traditional route with flowers, candy and jewelry. People really treasure the gift that shows that you get them. Homemade gifts are not just for kids. I treasure a Valentine’s card my partner, Eugene, made me when we were new parents and he couldn’t afford a store-bought card. The first pandemic year, when I couldn’t get to a store, I used a binder and some of his favorite photos to make a special scrapbook. Words of appreciation go very far with a lot of people. And our animals are very undemanding. Tobago will be over the moon if she gets cat treats, a catnip toy and lots of attention.
Finally, do not panic if you have not found that special person. I was thirty-five when I met Eugene and thirty-seven when we married. We just celebrated our thirty-fifth anniversary, still very much in love.
