I had a dream about YikYak this week. Someone please put me out of my misery.
3/31:
“Happy trans day of visibility! If you squint hard enough I can now be seen with the naked eye.” said ‘fish_wizard_daily.’ Don’t be silly, trans people aren’t real.
4/2:
“Guys, I can confidently say after living in Maine for 20+ years seasonal depression is real.” If it is any condolence, ‘bud_lightyear_,’ me too.
“How it feels seeing one of your classmates as one of the ticketing people.” This was accompanied by that one drive-by meme from Umbrella Academy. This is funny except I would have much more hatred in my eyes. Finding out someone you know works for parking services is like finding your grandfather’s Nazi uniform in the attic.
“I’m fat and what about it let’s move on people.” We were so close to body neutrality and then Ozempic had to ruin everything. Can’t wait for the FDA to reveal the side effects they’ve been hiding.
“How I feel when everyone loves my awful professor.” See this could go two ways. Either this person hates whimsy or sees the hidden evil of this professor. My guess is that they have repressed feelings toward their mother.
“Judgemental people people always got the most to judge.” The call is coming from inside the house. And you know what, I’m gonna pick up.
4/3:
“I actually don’t like how exclusive this school and community is. People are just not chill a lot of the time.” Yeah, it’s called the all-consuming darkness of winter.
“This title ii bullsh*t is creating a meaningfully worse education experience for me.” I thought they meant Title IX at first and was a little concerned. Also why is no one talking about Title LXVII?
“I lowkey have a huge mommy kink, but idk if my gf would f*ck with it or nah.” She will, don’t worry. And if she doesn’t she’s not the one.
“What’s something you can say at a job interview that you can also say in bed.” Some good ones were “I was so nervous, I came early,” “Thank you for this opportunity,” and most notably from ‘latenightpearl’: “the safe word is pineapple.” How about ‘where my hug at?’
“Does alltown sell geekbars.” “Dorkbar.”
“Anyone know the masc lesbian that works at hilltop?” You’re gonna have to be more specific, every student Sodexo employee is gay.
“Does eyebrows count as facial hair.” If they did, twinks would shave them off.
“All I want for graduation is 6 feet of rope.” The funny thing is that what the rope is needed for is very vague. What was not vague was that ‘york.groundhog’ commented “I want several conditioned 50 ft pieces of rope.” The emoji attached made me a little uncomfortable but I’m not here to judge. Wait, yes I am. Please control yourselves.
“Is it normal to have one day a week where you don’t get out of bed or do much of anything or am i just a lazy chud.” No one will tell us once we’ve entered late stage capitalism, but there will be signs.
“Ngl I will be that laundry person if your sh*ts been in there for more than 10 mins.” Everyone gets a five minute grace period and then I am stealing all of their clothes.
“Meeting republican women in college is like catching your dog getting in the trash.” The difference is I would still love my dog.
4/4:
“Next guy that tries to dap me up I’m just holding his hand.” Pull him in for a kiss while you’re at it.
“Procrastinating so hard that i’m actually responding to my texts.” Procrastinating so hard I am actually writing the YikYak Beat on time. Sorry, that’s a lie. Anyway, I gotta do my actual work now before I get fired. Have a good week y’all. Get freaky on the app this week, I need some good content.
